The Song You Hear –

 “The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye…until we meet again” ― Jimi Hendrix
natalul
You were ice and unmoved
by romance and its normal tune
You wanted desperation’s plea
and a new way for you to be
Tunes won’t be tamed by what you know
or by the memories that we tow
Listen and understand to see what’s real
has nothing to do with what you feel
I have shit that cuts and wounds
you endured that shit evidenced by tunes
I am hardly me and you won’t feel the glow
That this hardened me will never show
The song he’s singing is a different rhyme
The love I feel is worth more than timeLov3 m3 

First published in Opinionsofeye.com

Unseen Damage – Abuse leaves problems, don’t ignore them

 “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen someone actually change. I’m talking about a drastic, spin around, burnout, going in the other direction, change. Then I realized, the change needed to happen in me. It’s amazing how a simple change like an attitude adjustment, can affect how you see others. Now the change part, I had things I needed to change long before I realized that I needed to change them. It’s that way most of the time, in fact, if I see the need to change, I’ve already begun to live the miracle. I’ll explain in a practical example from my experience: If I’ve been the victim of a violent crime, especially a sexual crime, I HAVE something that NEEDS to be dealt with. I was affected, regardless of what I think, regardless of how I have “handled” it; it has affected me in ways I can’t even begin to imagine. I’m not saying I have “victim” mentality, only that I must realize that I’ll have damage that I’m not aware of. This damage can go unnoticed for years at times. I’ve seen numerous signs of this damage throughout my life: fear for no reason, addiction, depression, loneliness, despair, confusion, hyper vigilance, violent outbursts, and an evil foreboding whenever I’m happy. These are some of the effects and each of us may have more or less damage, but, damage none the less. To deal with this damage, talk about it with someone who has gone through it or has experience helping those who have gone through it. I’ve found spiritual pursuits to bring some relief, i.e. prayer, and church support groups. Writing and music helped me through the dark days. There are many ways to get through it, but, you must actively address the issues that have damaged you. May God give us direction in healing these wounds. Be strong my friend, we can be whole again.


MMA – Wounds of the Mind

“Even in times of trauma, we try to maintain a sense of normality until we no longer can. That, my friends, is called surviving. Not healing. We never become whole again … we are survivors. If you are here today… you are a survivor. But those of us who have made it through hell and are still standing? We bare a different name: warriors.”
Lori Goodwin 
“What if I lose what little control I have left? I may live in a prison now, but at least I know my way around it.”
Nicole Deese, All for Anna 
My friend, deeply involved in MMA, had a twist break in his knee. He went through many months of painful rehab. Exercises that strengthened not only the knee but the surrounding muscles that supported the knee, possessed every waking hour. All he could think about was being back to normal and doing what he loved, with the same proficiency. He recovered and won several more titles in welter weight MMA. But, what happens when I have a break in my brain? When I can’t do what I used to because of an injury? If it’s not seen, I’ll have no sympathy. My healing process, as I engage life with my mental limp, should warrant the same compassion. Yeah, I appear crazy, and you can’t understand because you can’t see. What if I wore a bandage around my head? Put blood on gauze and covered one eye and bruised my face? Would you then understand mental injury? Ask my vets, my service brothers and sisters…they will tell you of injuries never seen, but agonized over. Take mental wounds seriously friends, acquaintances, and family. If my mental wounds were to be seen, you would be shocked and cry, while I try to gather my spilled insides and make sense of the exploded mess in me.

Thinking

“I think and think and think, I‘ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.” – Jonathan Safran Foer
Weheartit
Starting small, a little fire, a gentlebeginning

Fuel consumed by circumstance

Flames are bright, I think to much.


Pull the sand, a gentle river, contained by nurture

Releasing it runs, events of chance

Rapids form rolling hills, I think to much


Words spoken, few arrows, swiftly flying away

Wounds bleed from peaceful intentions

Broken shafts are faults, I think to much


Drops floating, small crowds, in heated drafts gather

Billowed followings, a dark horizon

Deluge free falling fast, I think to much