Alone –

 Imaginary lovers
Never turn you down
When all the others turn you away
They’re around
It’s my private pleasure
Midnight fantasy
Someone to share my
Wildest dreams with me” 

 

DreamWind

I’d do anything to keep from being alone, pay any price, be used to the “nth” degree and never say a word. Being used is better than being alone but it stings knowing the object of my affection will hurt me, maim my spirit, and destroy my forward progress. Still, I follow hard after her, giving all to maintain that relationship and avoid the terrors of being alone. What compromises have I willing conceded to? What violations of my self-esteem and personal space have I allowed for unrequited affection? What tortures has my heart been through, my body feeling the wretch of emotions that sets my nerves on fire? Being addicted, not to a substance, but to a world of egocentric affection that I’ve created by taking the object of my affection and embellishing her to a fantastic degree. I should know better, I do know better. The voices of friends and family, concerned that I am “being used”, try to slap me awake. Ignoring their advice, pushing away the voice of truth, I continue to live a world that only I see. Go away you bearers of truth, you wreckers of dreams, this is my world, I will not see it in your light! I take my script and apply it haphazardly, patching up the holes in the dike containing my empty dreams. Eagerly lapping up my lack of self-control and willful delusion, the protagonist in my play continues to feed my world of facades with empty compliments, cool affections, and eyes empty of love.  One day I’ll wake up and grab hold of myself, one day I’ll acknowledge this self-imposed hell, one day…but for now, I look at her and imagine how she loves me.

Also published in Broowaha

012112

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Into The Dark – Take me to your dark places –

“Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.”
spurs-32

 

Ill follow you there, into the dark
The dark is my lover, I caress it’s shadowy folds.
Come, join me in the midnight blackness
It soothes the brightness of truth
Thick blindness holds us tight
Our fears close but held at bay
Cold, our emotions now irrelevant
Ill follow you there, into the dark
Where lie my deepest fantasies
Lay down your fear my sweet woman
Take my misty promises into the wildness
Of the unknown, unfeeling, and unbelievable
Provoking them to relinquish their hidden treasure
as I follow you there, into the dark 

Also published in Broowaha
First published in Opinions Of Eye
02012012

All In – Reasons why I bet it all

“The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving.” Albert Einstein

 pewpewlazerz

 You mock me when I place my whole being on a relationship you believe is a total loss. Let me tell you why I place all my chips on this roll of the dice…
I see the beauty overlooked by hasty and careless lovers

I see the hope in her intelligence, which she hid because she was told to be seen and not heard

I see the potential in her crazy wild rebellion, it chases the common fools away

I see the wonder in mischievous eyes, her wildness never tamed

I see the strength born from the violent men she has endured and survived

I see the determination to never give up, though the world laughs at her struggle

I see the passion that only a woman of character and spiritual vitality can bring

I see the scars that others gave her, trying to mar the beauty she wouldn’t give

I see the ravages that nature gave trying to lash her to the grave

I see the marvel of a woman, a companion, and a warrior by my side.

A woman, pure and undefiled, strong and wise, passionate and tender deserving of my gamble for the privilege to stand by her.

Also published in Broowaha Magazine