Thou shalt not – Yes you should! –

“I get up and pace the room, as if I can leave my guilt behind me. But it tracks me as I walk, an ugly shadow made by myself.” – Rosamund Lupton, Sister
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Damn the guilt

Thou shalt not. When I went to church, that’s what I heard. Being a young man and given to many troubles, I struggled with my love for God while bearing the guilt of “thou shalt not”. Looking at the rigorous laws imposed on me by religion, I saw a weakness in their application.

Thou shalt not Lie. Really? I’ll lie till my tongue twists in my head to save you from harm. A man breaks into your house, your wife and kids hide, he asks you, “Where are they?”. OK religious man, you who impose on me your guilt ridden laws, speak up! Tell that man where your family is so he can kill them, or do worse. I laugh at your law now, you should lie!
Thou shalt not kill. Really? Do you know that your freedom to worship rests on the blood of many honorable and/or religious men who laid their lives on the line and killed to give you the choice to intellectually subject me to your guilt ridden standards. You should kill to protect your family, your nation, your freedom. I can go on and show that for every “thou shalt not” there is a circumstance in life that dictates you should.
 
Double standard? No, I see a higher standard. Wisdom is skillfully applied knowledge, knowing the rule isn’t good enough for practice of the same. Obviously we shouldn’t live on lies, killing people at whim. Here is wisdom, for every spiritual principle, “thou shalt not lie”, “thou shalt not kill”, there lies a spiritual application. If you maintain your hardened religious attitude and refuse to consider that every application of knowledge requires wisdom, guilt and confusion will be your companions for life. Taking the general principles of honesty and respect for life, I spiritually apply them. Im at a loss for the answers to this dilemma, however, know that I’ll lie to keep you safe, and I’ll kill to protect my friends, family, and nation. Understand the inherent weakness of rules and consider the full course of your beliefs before imposing them on me.

02152012

Narco Faith

“You don’t look fake when you unconsciously pretend.” – Toba Beta, My Ancestor Was an Ancient Astronaut

The pill went down easy. Within minutes I felt the effects crawl over my soul. My desire assuaged, the direction became clear. Get more of this drug, get more, get more. Addiction’s voice is haunting and nagging, worse than an old wife on the rag. In my gut, I feel a recurring emptiness and my mind is filled with noisy clutter. They dance in an unsettled pattern that revolves around like the moon, the gravity of seriousness holding both of them close. I filled my bottle up with pretty little pills, the things that give me solace in the routine of restless seeking. Shaking the bottle, I looked again at the prescription, in bold letters, FAITH, and in small script below it, “can cause mindless ambling to churches and Tourette’s like expressions of religious clichés.” Damn this Faith, it’s a drug that allows me to feel good, putting icing on the cake of my rebellion, easing my conscience as I continue to act like the devils who I keep company with. I laugh as I sit in church, reporting weekly like I’m on paper and dutifully pissing for a spiritual U.A..  Someday I’ll lay down my bottle and actually commit to a changed lifestyle, instead of a mimicked mockery of a spiritual man.

11 Things Observed In The Betrayal Of My Friend

“It was a mistake,” you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.” ― David Levithan, The Lover’s Dictionary 
“He, who had done more than any human being to draw her out of the caves of her secret, folded life, now threw her down into deeper recesses of fear and doubt. The fall was greater than she had ever known, because she had ventured so far into emotion and had abandoned herself to it.”
Anaïs Nin 

Observing these things operating occasionally in my relationships is normal. However, if I see a few things happening all the time, and especially if I make excuses for the violation of these principles, it is cause for great concern. Be wise my friends…

  1. My friend will inflict emotional and/or physical pain on me, hitting me violently or insulting me. They may or may not apologize, and excuse their behavior by saying it was only a joke or they were drunk. I know something is wrong and I must pay attention to the physical interactions of my friends. Don’t ignore the little things.
  2. The friend will never have a bad thing to say to my face. I know that I am not perfect so if my friend is always eager to give praise and never criticism, it offers a cover for subterfuge.
  3. The friend will use my resources with abandon. Having no concern over the economy of my money and supplies they will waste and spend mine without a thought.
  4. Strategic placement of needs. It seems the friend is always short on resources every time I’m around them. They are in “need” all the time and in short order they will let me know that “need”, subtly mentioning it and moving on.
  5. When my friend has opportunity to defend me, such as in gossip about me, they will not, especially when it means putting themselves in harm’s way.
  6. I make excuses for my friend’s behavior. As soon as I start this I begin a selfdeception that allows them unlimited access to ruin me. Don’t ignore what they did, it shows who they are.
  7. My friend “eyeball’s” my belongings and/or my girl. Noticing it once is normal, but to keep mentioning it and/or to be caught looking at it often is a danger sign.
  8. I do nice things for them all the time. There is a limit, if I keep on with my provision it will breed an attitude of bitterness and envy as they regret that they “asked” me, “needed” me, or had to pretend so.
  9. Their attitude is flippant with me. They pass my needs on casually and my pain is treated lightly.
  10. They do things for me that they never do normally. This is setting the bait. Their behavior contradicts their normal course. They usually precede their actions with, “I don’t normally do this….” or “I shouldn’t do this”. In other words I’m going to OWE them something, whether it’s stated plainly or not, farther down the road it will be used against me.
  11. I find myself obligated by their courses of action, especially obligated to do what violates my conscience. When I feel obligated and they don’t, they can pull me into their deception, while keeping their distance. 
    We will do well to notice these things and take into account that not all are friends that make our acquaintance and some delight to do harm and see us fall.