Bottoming Out – Lonliness exsanguinates life

This poem was written by a talented fellow poet, Mark Davison and first seen in Elbow Lane Poems. Enjoy.
campusbasement
I am alone
This scenario is not freedom
 
I see tiny glimpses of hope way over there
But now, here, at this moment, I see shards of me… cracked shards

I am angry and full of tears that well halfway up my throat
The tilt of my head and a desperate breath detain them

I am sad
Sad that I am not happy and that my heart is redundant of it’s secondary duty

Intermittently it flickers into life
Abruptly ending; but just doing enough to?

To what?
Existence can be an exhausting burden

While I happily slept
My soul got took, my mind too

Which means I’ve lost my soul and lost my heart and lost my mind
Pointless looking currently

I am alone
The new ‘single’ me scares people!

Flamboyantly shy, aggressively meek
And ferociously gentle in bed

I ride the conflicting reports and assessments of me like a surfer
Wave after wave me goodbye

I am lost
Confusion is my compass and desperation is my map

Folded pieces of paper in my room partner empty wine bottles
I’ve got nothing else

Comfort I suppose but that’s cold
In fact that insults my own stupid intelligence  

The child that smacks it‘s parent and sends it to bed I laugh

My smile is now a faltering grimace
Plastering my anguished screams and voiceless cries

I am alone
And the weight of that compresses me into a thin nothingness

I am alone
And I’m bottoming out 
 

Mark Davison 7/3/2012