“Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.” ― André Malraux
I see you hiding, thinking there is no one like you. Embarrassed by your fantasies and feeling guilty about your thoughts. No one that understands, no one that imagines what you imagine. Your mind takes trips, far, far away, demanding escalation and execution of your deviant fantasies. Listen to the tale of two dogs, one evil and one good, both fighting for survival inside of you. Which dog wins? The one you feed. The one you take care of.
Worrying about being found out, you hide those habits carefully. How many times have you come close to being discovered by those close to you? Scared out of your mind, thinking that they know, and then, the relief you found when they meant something else. Now that I have your attention, stop it! Stop it before it’s too late.
Don’t follow that impulse, that desire. It’s not that easy is it? The desire turns like snakes in your stomach, impulses to follow despised cravings that will rob your freedom and your life. The best defense is to not be there. Don’t put yourself anywhere near that hot spot. Stop calling her (him), stop hanging around them (it). Change your environment. Close that closet and never walk back.
But It’s not possible for you to stop is it? Then please, please, do not harm anyone…your fighting it, you want it. It’s easy to follow your urge, your lust. Please don’t do it. Put away that thing your holding. Your hate. Your rage. Your gun. Your shame. Your razor. Put them away. I’ve done it, you can to. There is a way out.