Echo of Woods – Missing parts of me

“Their screams would echo through the house and reverberate against my eardrums until my mind would fracture. Years went by and with each fracture; I lost a piece of my soul until I became lost and empty inside.”
J.D. Stroube, Caged in Darkness
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My lover, you followed me on lost paths, chasing my longings deeper, before I turned and saw, you’re not there. The pieces I broke off to mark my exit you ate and then flew away, without any words, disappearing in hollows of echoing woods. I know my soul’s alone by the absence of those missing pieces. How can they be gone, slipped into an eternity of forgetfulness, or thoughtlessness, pushed there by denial and an intense effort to pretend you didn’t happen, unless they were born at sometime in the messy afterbirth of a mind gone mad? If I let my thoughts take these updrafts of imagination, to soar above this wilderness of lore, I’ll see you again. The pain’s breathtaking, should I plunge back below to the feigned wellness of peace? Or perhaps, stay on these heated gestures of reaching and slip into the coldness of space losing the oxygen of you, and with tears and a reluctant release, my light will dim and finally extinguish.

06262013
 

Wisdom’s Seven Pillars – Pillar #2 Peace –

“Wisdom has built her house, she has carved out her seven pillars:” Proverbs 9:1. The aim of this series is to present a non-cliche, non-religious point of view of wisdom. I do subscribe to some religious interpretations of the subjects addressed, but wish to here, only point out the common understanding of the principles.  

If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.”
Nelson Mandela

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten we belong to each other”
Pillar #2 Peace 

Wisdom will always seek a way to bring peace within myself and with others. Peace with myself always precedes peace with others. It’s imperative that I find a place of calmness, centered in myself and quiet in my thoughts and from that haven I influence my relationships  looking for ways to get along with my enemy, my friend, my spouse, and my nation. Haste has no room in this pursuit. Anger will rise tempting me to act impulsively but I must resist every urge to act quickly. Calmness, confidence, and quietness will be the lighthouses that guide me through the dire straights of relationships. Taking a deep breath, calming my emotions and raging thoughts, I find the peace that’s born from mother Wisdom.

Safe Harbor –

“Nothing external to you has any power over you.” 
Ralph Waldo Emerson
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The haven from which we draw peace is found not without but within. Circumstances change and environments produce storms, but if preparations are made in advance, the harbor’s climate is safe and steady. A harbor built before the hurricane provides a sure relief, but laboring to lay foundations in the pouring rain is frivolous. The place of refuge lays beyond the shores of feeling, away from circumstance. A master architect has drawn plans for this refuge and laid them open to all. Their hard to build, patience is needed, and much strength from beyond, but these are afforded to those who labor through dependence on the heavenly Father, a willing participant in building a safe harbor. When finished this will provide protection from the wailing winds and torrential rains of death, life, love, and circumstance. The first step in the process is an admission that help is needed and then an establishment of a relationship with the architect. Then follows conformation to His steps and a steady endurance to resist looking outward at the storms but inward to the work. There’s a peaceful place which provides an unchanging calm environment and it’s up to us to build it. Godspeed friend, there is much work to do here.
 First published in Opinionsofeye.com
 

Leap Of Faith –

“The foolish ask many questions the wise cannot answer” – Oscar Wilde
“Of the making of books there is no end, and much study leads to exhaustion.” 

 

Questions are a sign of intelligence and creativity but they can lead to an endless, tortuous circle of reasoning. Why did that tragedy happen to me? Is God male or female? Will I know people after I die? These inquiries can exhaust my mental and emotional energy, leaving me with no strength to push through the day at hand. Questioning my beliefs, my existence, my experience, is necessary, but I must lay down these pursuits and find a place of peaceful existence should my questions go unanswered. What follows is a leap of faith that eventually brings sense of well-being to my life. There I have to understand that I don’t understand, admit my finite power of mind, lay down my notepad, my calculator, my psychoanalysis, and find the peace that will guide me though the dark valley of the unknown.
 
Also published on Broowaha
First published in Opinionsofeye.com
12122011 

The Criminal In Me –

“When a man is denied the right to live the life he believes in, he has no choice but to become an outlaw.”  – Nelson Mandela
Demon_Inside_ME_by_LorelainW.jpg

Resisting impulses to do and to numb.
Trying my best just to overcome
The Criminal in Me
I’m not hard by glance, at first sight,

But only I know the plight
Of the Criminal in Me
A forlorn soul, tied to earth by pain,
Inside he seeks to make life pay,
The Criminal in Me
How many times I asked to be free
All in vain, no one can see
The Criminal in Me
Addictions to things both seen and not seen
Leaving all behind to find those things
The Criminal in Me
I look for peace but yet I must be
Not controlled but living by
The Criminal in Me.

Also published in Broowaha
First published in Opinionsofeye.com

 

12182010

Levity –

“The certain prospect of death could sweeten every life with a precious and fragrant drop of levity.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
angel-in-the-wind
Passing around hard thoughts,
Skipping through rough consequences
Rebuking the threats that abound
A break deserved brought about by
my sweet Levity.
The feasts are prepared,
a peaceful interlude is granted
smiles endure and the future ignored
an intermission paid in full by
my sweet Levity.
All memories are her ethereal songs,
Sweet lullabies sung before the never setting sun
Her persistent touch rocking the cradle
New life borne in light by
my sweet Levity.
First published in Opinionsofeye.com

Restless

“I am so tired – so tired of being of being whirled on through all these phases of my life, in which nothing abides by me, no creature, no place; it is like the circle in which the victims of earthly passion eddy continually.” ― Elizabeth Gaskell, North and South 
forensicate
Exhausted, breathless from every chase
Every path comes back on itself
I’m no farther down the road
Then when I first began
Lessons learned but hard to follow
I repeat them again on this crazy journey
I suppose the simplicity of what I am
Is clearest in the darkness of wandering
If I’ve found one thing that’s sure and true
Peace is precious and hard to find
Harder to get and even harder to keep
If the wars on the outside put me in
The wars on the inside put me out
There is no rest and perhaps
That’s the next step
This rest that evades me
Will continue to hide
Until I find the peace
That cries in the night

Dreamweaver – Nightmares of Abuse

“My father was one of those men who sit in a room and you can feel it: the simmer, the sense of some unpredictable force that might, at any moment, break loose, and do something terrible.
[Burnside, p. 27]”
John Burnside, A Lie About My Father: A Memoir 

The following is an excerpt from the hopeforhealing.org.,  poetry by survivors of sexual or domestic violence.

 

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Come, beckons the night,
Let us dance together, and chase the dream weaver
I am not laughing at you
It is only the laughter of the past
Rushing through your brain
 
I am harmless, why do you resist me so?
Pearls of wisdom are here within my walls
And peace offerings as well
Yet you quake at the sight of me
My power has not alluded you
 
Need I remind you?
You cannot resist me forever!
I am that necessary evil
Which recreates evil past
My nourishment lies in your screams
So, foolish one, scream on!
 
No one is listening, no one hears
Wake them; tell them of your sad tales
I will recapture them before your voice silences
But they will not find your persecutor
And will think you mad
 
Reach for the sun, it is hours ’til its’ dawn
As I am your punisher, it is your reward
However, for now I am your companion
Let us dance together, and chase the dreamweaver
Come, I beckon you
011912

Shallow – Love and Hate

“I was tired of pretending that I was someone else just to get along with people, just for the sake of having friendships.” ― Kurt Cobain

Tears in my eyes now for days without end.
Trying desperately to hide them, desperately to blend.

Cant show weakness they may attack
Cant show pain, they’ll stab me in the back

My facade is part of me, peace I follow
Hate inside of me, normality is shallow

Left with pieces I exist only to live
beyond my breath, I try to give

09042010

The Laughter

“If we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane.” ― Robert Frost
 

kirk-landkills

When she laughed the sound filled the rooms, spilling over into the breeze and bringing a thousand butterflies to life. I’ve heard no sound like it before, it comes from her soul, places unseen in the spirit of gentleness. Her laugh sang a lullaby that dismissed my fears and loneliness. For a moment in time, I forgot the tragedy of living and remembered the beauty of life. Of all the sounds that echo in my mind, consuming my conscience like rain on a tin roof, her laugh is my mantra of peace. I’m amazed that such joy and wholehearted happiness can exist at all, in my life not so much as a faint chuckle is heard, much less the verbal deep seated happiness of a healthy giggle. It spills over from her full cup and I wipe it up with every fiber of my being, it stains my soul with colors like a tie dyed shirt from the 60’s. I know many sounds fade, more now that I’m older, but her laugh, this I need like sunrise everyday, warming and encouraging, bringing the hope of spring and it’s little births. I curled up deeper in the covers, and a smile crept over my face, all while she laughed.