Misfits – Solitude of I

“…misfits. We do not fit into this world without amputations.”
– Marge Piercy
 “All the colors of they are not the color of I

In mimicry I taint the skin of me

All the sounds of they are not the sound of I

In mimicry I change the voice of me

All the dances of they are not the moves of I

In mimicry I perform awkward ways

All the hopes of they are not the future of I

In mimicry I pretend a winning destiny” 

Waking in an unseemly state, I look around at my world of unbelonging. The crazy thing is that in my head is where my world is. It’s where the torments of mockers echo for years, where the pain of violence stings long past the healing of the body. I stay alone in my room, dark is how I like it there. My cave is where solitude commands my death of a thousand cuts. Each cut a remark, an injury, a symptom, a mental deficiency that demands my obedience to awkward and unusual ways. When I open my door and come out to play with society, my mimicry is perfected. Hidden beneath my smiling ways are necrotic tendencies that mortify normalcy. I reach out in the dark, on my bed, reaching out to an invisible God who seems to answer but in the most subtle and barely noticeable ways. What I want is a touch, a physical touch. It is not HE that answers physically but when another misfit finds me, then we both realize that we are not alone, but we belong to a group that will never stay together by virtue of our mental disabilities. Like magnets we are, spinning off the negatives of each other…no hold for my anchor, sending my vessel into dire straights.

Death Brings Life – Breaking down faith

 “Unbeing dead isn’t being alive.” – E.E. Cummings

There’s something that happens when a man loses everything he believed in, everything he trusted, and stares death in the eyes. Emotional death, soulical death, mental death. These deaths have meaning when you fight your way back from them and find a faith that saves you. You must have a “death” experience for your faith to find a life changing foothold in your life. Unless you face this death, you are doomed to have a superficial and potentially meaningless faith. Don’t be scared when all you know dissolves into nothing. In this mess life is born, you’ll be beautiful when your “death” pushes you to a faith in God that no one will ever be able to shake and that will transform you into a beautiful being, the image of your Father in heaven.

Wisdom’s Seven Pillars – Pillar #1 Humility

“Wisdom has built her house, she has carved out her seven pillars:” Proverbs 9:1. The aim of this series is to present a non-cliche, non-religious point of view of wisdom. I do subscribe to some religious interpretations of the subjects addressed, but wish to here, only point out the common understanding of the principles. 
Pillar #1 – Humility

“Humility must always be the portion of any man who receives acclaim earned in the blood of his followers and the sacrifices of his friends.”
Dwight D. Eisenhower

Humility is an attitude that understands others are just as important as myself. An attitude that looks to provide the needs of those around me by my hand. This pertains not only to a physical provision but to an emotional, mental, and spiritual provision. To be humble is to know I’m a servant to those around me, and gladly submit to that service, not as a slave, but as my brother’s keeper. It’s to joyfully give what’s mine to another to assist them, knowing that but for fortunate circumstance, I’d be the recipient; understanding that others have helped me get to this place and the willingness to carry on the tradition of sacrifice. 

Also published in Broowaha Magazine