Thou shalt not – Yes you should! –

“I get up and pace the room, as if I can leave my guilt behind me. But it tracks me as I walk, an ugly shadow made by myself.” – Rosamund Lupton, Sister
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Damn the guilt

Thou shalt not. When I went to church, that’s what I heard. Being a young man and given to many troubles, I struggled with my love for God while bearing the guilt of “thou shalt not”. Looking at the rigorous laws imposed on me by religion, I saw a weakness in their application.

Thou shalt not Lie. Really? I’ll lie till my tongue twists in my head to save you from harm. A man breaks into your house, your wife and kids hide, he asks you, “Where are they?”. OK religious man, you who impose on me your guilt ridden laws, speak up! Tell that man where your family is so he can kill them, or do worse. I laugh at your law now, you should lie!
Thou shalt not kill. Really? Do you know that your freedom to worship rests on the blood of many honorable and/or religious men who laid their lives on the line and killed to give you the choice to intellectually subject me to your guilt ridden standards. You should kill to protect your family, your nation, your freedom. I can go on and show that for every “thou shalt not” there is a circumstance in life that dictates you should.
 
Double standard? No, I see a higher standard. Wisdom is skillfully applied knowledge, knowing the rule isn’t good enough for practice of the same. Obviously we shouldn’t live on lies, killing people at whim. Here is wisdom, for every spiritual principle, “thou shalt not lie”, “thou shalt not kill”, there lies a spiritual application. If you maintain your hardened religious attitude and refuse to consider that every application of knowledge requires wisdom, guilt and confusion will be your companions for life. Taking the general principles of honesty and respect for life, I spiritually apply them. Im at a loss for the answers to this dilemma, however, know that I’ll lie to keep you safe, and I’ll kill to protect my friends, family, and nation. Understand the inherent weakness of rules and consider the full course of your beliefs before imposing them on me.

02152012
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Un-circular Reasoning

“We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It’s a death trap.” – Anthony Hopkins

media

I followed my thought,

I just knew it was true.
It led me down the way,
I loved it straight through.
When I arrived at what
I thought was the end,
it spun me around
to start over again.
So the circle continued,
long day after long day.
My thoughts ran me ragged
They were more than I could pay.
At that moment of decision
confused but now I know,
just because my thoughts lead me,
doesn’t mean I should go.

Also published in: Broowaha

11082011 

Triage

In Love’s service, only wounded soldiers can serve.” – Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child

He jests at scars that never felt a wound.” William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet
I gather the wounded, from near and far
Giving my gift, no matter who you are
There are those who hurt, rip, break and maim
Even when slashed deep, I’m still the same
Reaching out in the raging battles night
With calm words healing, bringing compassions light
Warriors hardened with ease they kill
My talents bind the bloody that is my skill
So go with your swords, by them you’ll die
I come with second life, breaths from on high
I’ll relax on that day, with friends all around
People I never knew, in the field I found
They made it through with unsightly stitches
My helping hand, pulled them from the ditches
Triage is my name, and I wear it with pride
The next skin I save, may be your ugly hide

The Violation of…

“… you don’t have to wait for someone to treat you bad repeatedly. All it takes is once, and if they get away with it that once, if they know they can treat you like that, then it sets the pattern for the future.” Jane Green, Bookends 

You shout at me, I try to ignore what you do
Your always there, I try to behave
You won’t let me be alone, I don’t want a shadow
You don’t let me talk, I’m too loud
You will
never give up, I try to run
You make me afraid, I make excuses
You intimidate my friends, I try to explain
You hide and peek at me, I can’t know where you are
You intrude on my privacy, I just want to be alone
You threaten my existence, I just want to be safe
You make me do things, I’m embarrassed to say
You sink lower in your life, I watch you fall
You struggle to bring me down, I struggle to breathe
You will not win, I’ll survive

You will not change me, I’ll be hard
You will not violate me again, I will kill

Also Published in Broowaha
12152010

The Violation of…

“… you don’t have to wait for someone to treat you bad repeatedly. All it takes is once, and if they get away with it that once, if they know they can treat you like that, then it sets the pattern for the future.” Jane Green, Bookends 

You shout at me, I try to ignore what you do
Your always there, I try to behave
You won’t let me be alone, I don’t want a shadow
You don’t let me talk, I’m too loud
You will
never give up, I try to run
You make me afraid, I make excuses
You intimidate my friends, I try to explain
You hide and peek at me, I can’t know where you are
You intrude on my privacy, I just want to be alone
You threaten my existence, I just want to be safe
You make me do things, I’m embarrassed to say
You sink lower in your life, I watch you fall
You struggle to bring me down, I struggle to breathe
You will not win, I’ll survive

You will not change me, I’ll be hard
You will not violate me again, I will kill

Also Published in Broowaha
12152010

The Specter Of Love

“The moment there is suspicion about a person’s motives, everything he does becomes tainted.”― Mahatma Gandhi

Be advised that I take artistic license in the expressions and creations I present in my posts. Forewarned is forearmed, proceed at your own risk. 

Freakingnews

“Listening for the chirp, the space sounds of my phone
Everything stops when it rings,
My whole body tense, waiting for the vibration of her call
Everything stops when I wait for her
Early morning when it rings, I open my eyes
Everything stops when I wake to her
A text, proclaiming her rejection of me
Everything stops when I understand
She is with my friend, he is fucking her
Everything stops when I kill”
Everything Stops,  D.M.W. Sager

I take a deep breath. Jealousy. A cruel and unrelenting task master, holding me hostage, threatening my lover with violence. How quickly love turns to anger and hate. How quick the one you love can turn and violate you. Love excels at changing both itself and others. I watch as I leave all I know about myself and life; all my beliefs fall to the wayside as I follow hard after what I “love”. I watch my identity crumble in my pursuit, it consumes me. There’s no escape from its hold, the arms of another fan the flames into white hot tongues of searing pain. I compromise my safety, stepping into the line of fire, nothing will prevent me from protecting my love. It’s not a person that I protect, it’s my feelings. When I find that it’s my love that I follow, not her, conviction binds me. Love is separate in this deranged sense. Love becomes a living entity in me, demanding I make room for it, controlling my actions and thoughts. Love must be constrained by other rules to keep it in check and keep it pure. I must rise above it. Love, pure good and pure evil. It disguises itself, hiding among other feelings and manifesting in the strangest of ways. The vilest thoughts arise out of “love”. Beware of love uncontrolled, it’ll easily lead to destruction, agony, and death. Motives that should be pure, become tainted, then, suddenly, drastically, everything stops.
“Do you know what its like to lie in wait for someone? To settle yourself in the cold drizzle of winter, controlling the shivers, quiet, the gun by your side? Eyes strained to see movement in the blackness, heart pumping from adrenalin of the chase. Do you know what it’s like to wait to kill the one you love?” – The Specter Of Love
Also published in Broowaha Magazine

02272012

Crash – Their choices, your demise

“Men may change their climate, but they cannot change their nature. A man that goes out a fool cannot ride or sail himself into common sense.” – Joseph Addison



Expecting a crumpling low buckling sound of screaming metal as the car slid sideways, the world spun by, lights flashing on every revolution. With a sudden jolt and crunch, I wrapped my world around the telephone pole of wantonness. The crash owned me, the unexpected result of decisions made without knowledge of the wreckage about to be imposed on my world. 

I shut the door of my travels with a solid thud, and adjusted my mirrors. Putting the seat belt of my expectations securely in place with a snap, not knowing this same preparation may kill me as well as help me, I took off into the darkness. Acceleration comes easy, this way’s familiar to me. Comfortable with my situation, I stop without thinking to pick her up, after all, I’m in charge of this ride, what do I have to fear? Rain blew in when I opened the door, the few drops drawing attention to changing times. The speed felt good, my instincts guiding me through a thousands of choices as I reached speeds exceeding the limits imposed by order and wisdom. My life is able to handle this, I’ve built my engines of purpose and survival to last and persevere under the stress of the journey. With the wind in our hair I, with startled revelation, spun around with her, seeing the whole thing coming to a massive and heart wrenching conclusion. In all my confidence, I forgot that other drivers make choices too and those choices were causing my demise in this crazy, wild, no holds barred finality. How did this happen to me? Reasons are left unanswered as I breath my last through gargled gasps and see our bodies mangled in the aftermath. It happens to us all, soon the vehicle of our life will, with or without our choice, end up in an ugly crash. Be wise young soul, no matter how fast your car or skilled your operation, people that drive around can wreck you, without your thought or choice, in a most exquisite crash.