Serving Time – Incarceration of both sides –

 “They kept me in a cage for too long because now every room I am standing in is just another cell.” – Raegan Butcher, Rusty String Quartet
 

 

You were my lover and a thug too
We got together, I quickly knew
Days went by and nights we do
Your criminal mentality showed straight through
Sirens coming now, the boys in blue
This was it, I’d serve time with you
Doors clicking on the inside and you knew
mind clicking on the outs, I’m serving time with you
You were spinning, calls not going through
I was spinning, serving time with you
Letters, so many letters, all holding a clue
That my love, I’m serving time with you.
Soon the days will be through
Last days of serving time with you
Freedom it calls, everything new
I’ll have to do it again, serving time with you

Also published in Broowaha
First published in Opinions Of Eye

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The Waiting Vengeance

“Some justice, though did not deal with kindheartedness or good feeling toward others. No, justice had a darker side, a gray area where it mingled alongside vengeance, and only the wise and pure of heart were able to tell the two apart. That kind of justice was swift. It was only called upon after mercy and morals fail. It was the darkest form of goodness known to anyone, even the gods, and required only the strongest, most daring men to bring about.” ― Evan Meekins, The Black Banner
theextravagantbum
The problem is when I’m hurt, especially publicly hurt, there is pressure, both inside and out to exact revenge and “take care of your business”, and generally, the quicker, the better. To the regular guy, this is real, but to those whose mental condition, or whose social position, puts them at more precarious odds with vengeance, it is crucial to examine the actions considered before acting them out. It is expected by both violent subcultures and societal inputs, movies and books, that with great aggression and extreme guile a man should strike back at that evil which caused the hurt. To not strike back causes a loss of credibility within those cultures as well as a strike against the ego. The names that are given to those who do not strike back with the same or more violence than what is done to them, are not pleasant nor easy to bear. But wait! There is an element in warfare that waiting is part of the plan. It indicates wisdom and provides opportunity for an element of surprise to those who refuse to be provoked by the poking and prodding of careless violent predators. If I am easily provoked, then I am easily controlled. To ruin me only requires irritation, and the rest I’ll do on my own. There is a time and a place, to hold back a temper, put that gun down, knowing that the triggers of violence are controlled by the one waiting. More can be served by waiting and letting the violators of my life turn on themselves than by acting on an out of control violent spree that may end up hurting people other than the intended perpetrator(s), and may hurt the vigilante by the confinement of jail, institutions, or death, or the burden of never being able to speak of that which is done. There is a better way than to be violent immediately. Know myself, then my enemy. Hold my peace, the opportunity will come. When my defense is sure, then my victory is absolute.

Trickbag – Setting me up

“Men are so simple and yield so readily to the desires of the moment that he who will trick will always find another who will suffer to be tricked.” – Niccolo Machiavelli 

Thinking you would catch me in a *trickbag of a players game

Pushed to limits of civil thought, left with a criminal’s way

Laughing thinking that never the gun would flash and knife bleed

Lay down the weapons of flesh for the attack that brings to seed

A falcon’s wings now serve me better than a dragons breath

These three ends you chose for me: jails, institutions, and death

Homicidal fantasies I would loath to create a reality

I shun the sad you see I can never be your patsy

Flying high above the fray, killers killing each other to despise

I gather rising winds of peace beneath my tattered wings to rise


They almost had me, looking for a vulnerable spot with hate

Finding my weakness, a harbinger of danger to reveal my strength

They came against me as one, now they run in divided derision

I enjoy the meal now, prepared in the presence of their incursion

Freedom is mine once again, in spite of me, in spite of them

Caught away by spirits leading, the world of success my diadem


*trick bag – setting someone up to do things they would normally never do using peer pressure, elicit substances, alcohol, women, or whatever means to manipulate.

The Uncool One – Struggling with an addict

You know me, I’m the “uncool” one, the “buzz kill” because I tell you to stop drinking and drugging. I tell you I can’t go out because I have to work the next day. I’m such a “drag” because I’m taking care of responsibilities and can’t follow you into the “party life”. Your so tired of me “putting on the brakes” in your life of craziness. But, who do you call on when the shit hits the fan? Who has to put up the bond for you when your in jail? Who do you cry to when you’ve been up for 3 days (or more), your head cant take it, and your coming apart at the seams. Who do you call when the police pull you over? Who do you call for commissary or for a visit when your lonely cause your down for a nickel and everyone else has forgotten about you? Who do you borrow money from to eat, or get gas, or buy tampons, or get cigarettes (the ones that burned my couch, my floor, my vanity, my bed, my car, my skin?)? I ask you to come to meetings with me (church, counseling, NA, AA, etc.), and you laugh, you don’t have time for that “boring shit”. I want to do something besides drink and get high and fight, but your “bored” and want to “have fun” before you die. It’s the “uncool” one in your life that you lean on when the police slap on the cuffs, so be nice to us….signed, the “uncool one”

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The Uncool One – Struggling with an addict

You know me, I’m the “uncool” one, the “buzz kill” because I tell you to stop drinking and drugging. I tell you I can’t go out because I have to work the next day. I’m such a “drag” because I’m taking care of responsibilities and can’t follow you into the “party life”. Your so tired of me “putting on the brakes” in your life of craziness. But, who do you call on when the shit hits the fan? Who has to put up the bond for you when your in jail? Who do you cry to when you’ve been up for 3 days (or more), your head cant take it, and your coming apart at the seams. Who do you call when the police pull you over? Who do you call for commissary or for a visit when your lonely cause your down for a nickel and everyone else has forgotten about you? Who do you borrow money from to eat, or get gas, or buy tampons, or get cigarettes (the ones that burned my couch, my floor, my vanity, my bed, my car, my skin?)? I ask you to come to meetings with me (church, counseling, NA, AA, etc.), and you laugh, you don’t have time for that “boring shit”. I want to do something besides drink and get high and fight, but your “bored” and want to “have fun” before you die. It’s the “uncool” one in your life that you lean on when the police slap on the cuffs, so be nice to us….signed, the “uncool one”

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Remember – Reaching out to the incarcerated

“The greater ignorance towards a country is not ignoring what its politicians have to say, it is ignoring what the inmates in its prisons have to say.” – Criss Jami

During the last couple of years I’ve been exposed to a whole sub culture of people who are presently incarcerated or have recently been incarcerated. A large percentage of these people are caught in a tangled web of addiction and recidivism. Its heartbreaking to hear the lonely voices, the cries of the broken people wanting their loved ones to understand and give them one more chance. I’ve seen them stranded in the prison, crying out for anyone to know they still exist. Don’t get me wrong, I know most of them deserve what they got. Nearly all of them made choices that directly relate to their present condition. Still, do we remember these people? Personally I’ve given huge amounts of time, money, and energy to assist those “locked down”. My heart hurts for them, I cannot help most of them, they are beyond the help of an individual, they need to determine to help themselves. But, how many of us should be there? Could be there? “There but for the Grace of God go I”, is the old saying. How can we understand, help, but still let our love be “tough love” and let them experience the repercussions of their actions? Take a minute today to remember those struggling with addictions, those dual diagnosed with both addictions and mental problems. Write to someone you know, volunteer to write someone you don’t know, or just simply pray for those in “the Big House”. The disciples asked Jesus, when did we see you in prison? He responded, “as you have done to the least of these you have done it to me.”

Also published in: Life As A Human Magazine
Also published in: Broowaha