The Sound of Silence

 “When truth is replaced by silence,the silence is a lie.” Yevgeny Yevtushenko
I wish my tongue would stop moving. Just get stuck to the roof of my mouth, and never say anything again. After so many things being said that are ignored, mocked, or cause problems by simple statements. Problems not started or imagined by me, but by those paranoid and insecure souls around me. I just want silence. I’m tired of saying my peace trying to help people. Advice, wasted breaths. They don’t want it, I’m tired of giving it. So tired of talking, energy given that ‘s never returned. The words that burn to be said, let them smolder and die in my stomach. I won’t speak them, never reveal them. So many words, clutter in this world, a messy and disease ridden clutter. I close my mouth, did it really matter anyway? But, surely at some point in our history, words have helped shaped the course of lives and nations. What makes me think I can change my world by ideas expressed in words? What if just one person, lost in the anonymity of the internet, reading my words in some dark cave of seclusion, could resist an evil impulse, come to realize they are not alone, or find that they share a common experience? This is why I speak, it’s not the well that need a doctor, my words cannot help those who aren’t sick. I only want to help one, that crazy one that hopes someone understands.

Secret Understanding

“I thought about how there are two types of secrets: the kind you want to keep in, and the kind you don’t dare to let out.” ― Ally Carter, Don’t Judge a Girl by Her Cover
“Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.” ― André Malraux 


I see you hiding, thinking there is no one like you. Embarrassed by your fantasies and feeling guilty about your thoughts. No one that understands, no one that imagines what you imagine. Your mind takes trips, far, far away, demanding escalation and execution of your deviant fantasies. Listen to the tale of two dogs, one evil and one good, both fighting for survival inside of you. Which dog wins? The one you feed. The one you take care of.

Worrying about being found out, you hide those habits carefully. How many times have you come close to being discovered by those close to you? Scared out of your mind, thinking that they know, and then, the relief you found when they meant something else. Now that I have your attention, stop it! Stop it before it’s too late.

Don’t follow that impulse, that desire. It’s not that easy is it? The desire turns like snakes in your stomach, impulses to follow despised cravings that will rob your freedom and your life. The best defense is to not be there. Don’t put yourself anywhere near that hot spot. Stop calling her (him), stop hanging around them (it). Change your environment. Close that closet and never walk back.

But It’s not possible for you to stop is it? Then please, please, do not harm anyone…your fighting it, you want it. It’s easy to follow your urge, your lust. Please don’t do it. Put away that thing your holding. Your hate. Your rage. Your gun. Your shame. Your razor. Put them away. I’ve done it, you can to. There is a way out.

Also published in: Broowaha