The Flavor of Full – Too much is not enough

“We have a good life when we manage to live with both satisfied and unsatisfied needs, when we are not obsessed by what is beyond our reach.”– Kjell Magne Bondevik


It’s not the experience of pain that brings hopelessness, it’s the inability of pleasure to bring satisfaction. What do I do when what is supposed to make me happy no longer does? How will I find the passion to live? What purpose will I serve? My desire for pleasure is like a fire. It’s never full, I keep feeding it and when that’s used up, it wants more. No matter how much I give it, it is never satisfied. Soon the glowing embers of want crave more fuel. It’s then that I must reset of my pleasure threshold. Food never tastes so good as when I eat after going hungry for awhile. There is a proverb that states, “A full soul hates honey, but to the hungry, even a bitter thing is sweet”. If I always do only what feels good, I soon burn out trying to stoke the boundless appetites of my pleasure fire. When my appetites are denied, I find that when I “eat” again it’s all the more satisfying because I’ve reset my pleasure threshold by abstinence. 

Also published in Broowaha


Again – A journey of addiction

“I keep turning over new leaves, and spoiling them, as I used to spoil my copybooks; and I make so many beginnings there never will be an end. (Jo March)” 

Morning sun lighting the pain of hopelessness, I got messed up – again.

Ashamed to lift my eyes, chemicals course through my mind

Taking me places NO ONE should ever go – again.

Mind scrambles now, panic mode. What do I say to those who are waiting for me – again?

How can I pick up the pieces? What excuse is good enough for my failure?

Stomach hurting from the stress of seeing her cry.

From hearing the phone that rang countless times –

people who love me looking for me – again.

Gotta get some sleep now, rest and think how I can get out of this mess.

Tomorrow, I’ll make it all better. I’ll work harder, I’ll buy gifts, I’ll really pour on the charm, again

Tomorrow I’ll quit, tomorrow I’ll be fine. I’ll never do this.. Again. Again. Again.