Missing – It lives in me

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter how much, how often, or how closely you keep an eye on things because you can’t control it. Sometimes things and people just go. Just like that.” – Cecelia Ahern

“Waiting here for you.

A long, long time for you.

Through the night,

‘Till the morning,

‘Till the dawn of a new day
For you, to come, to me”

– Sylvia Doyle

 

Missing, it has personality, a heartbeat, it lives in me. With hope it builds up, then crashes down in sharp shards that rip across my mind; holding my chest I vainly try to keep in my soul that which is flowing freely through my fingers with no respite. The distance, so hard, the missing so heavy. No fuel for the fires of comfort in this moment, aching to hold you again. No way to make time hurry, it pursues me mercilessly, as I spend my days running one step ahead of the ache. When I stop, it collides with my soul, running through it with full force, leaving the hollow echo of you. Your alive, not dead, your gone, but your still here. There’s no resolution when love is taken by force and held away against my will.

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The Power Is Yours – Allocating your energy to create

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.”
― Martha Graham

 

You have energy in you. You feel it building, through the hours, through the days, and through the years. Perhaps from success, perhaps from suffering, no matter how, it builds. It longs to be let out, to be used. You feel the need to do something. Celebrate, cut loose, anything! Slow down for a second. You can use this energy for great things, wait before you spend it. Acknowledge it, then use it to create something…words, music, art, or an idea. Anything to bring life. The energy is there. You will do one of two things, destroy or create. Harness and direct the energy to create a powerful positive force in your life. Turn the potentially destructive energy generated by suffering into creative energy and create something positive. Bring life from it. The power is yours.

Also published in Broowaha Magazine 

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Gentleness of Strength

“Silk is a fine, delicate, soft, illuminating, beautiful substance. But you can never rip it! If a man takes this tender silk and attempts to tear it, and cannot tear it, is he in his right mind to say “This silk is fake! I thought it was soft, I thought it was delicate, but look, I cannot even tear it” ? Surely, this man is not in his right mind! The silk is not fake! This silk is 100% real. It’s the man who is stupid!” ― C. JoyBell C.

“Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way round or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.” – Bruce Lee

dewdropzgarden

 Gentle, striving to be easy with the hardness life brings. Being gentle when the attack is not against me is easy, but let my lover betray me, let a random act of violence occur, let my child be molested in spite of my best efforts, then it proves supremely difficult to resist hardness. When gentleness is discerned by the predators of man and beast, it signifies vulnerability, a sign that brings pursuit and attack. There is however, a side of gentleness that is contrary to weakness. Warriors learned long ago that deftness, a soft touch, is as deadly as brute force. The less effort, the faster and more powerful you will be. Gentleness learned is self control gained. To deny the victim demeanor and become a survivor, a warrior, requires a necessary application of gentle traits. Hold the knife easy. Squeeze the trigger softly. Bend not break, as a willow in the breeze. Bruce Lee taught the principle: be like water. Water is soft, yielding, and enjoyable to be around, but still maintains a fearful power. Gentleness is not weakness, it is power under perfect control. I’m this gentle soul, the water that gives way, and still I possess a force to overcome the most difficult opponent, whether it be in the form of man or circumstance.

My Discordant Song

“Opposition brings concord. Out of discord comes the fairest harmony.”  – Heraclitus

 

 

I am the sum of my defects, to lay them down is to die. Changing me by forcing me to get help is forcing me to becomesomeone else. You think you can help me, or should help me. Is my deficit that annoying? Will “fixing” me make you feel better? Realize that by fixing me, your tearing me apart. I know I’m sick, I’m ill, I’m addicted. I binge, purge, use, fixate, cut, obsess, worry, and rage. I listen to voices telling me you want to change me, to make me better. Really? I don’t see the life you live as better. I see that your scared to let your weaknesses show, to claim them as your own, to know and show that they are a part of you, like every part that is acceptable and healthy. I own my diseases, they are unique, changing and evolving. Predicting my behavior is impossible, unless you give me pills that make me think like you. Or give me programs teaching me to act proper. Or follow me around pushing away the naughty deprecating things that chase me. Let me off your leash of altruism and guilt induced change. My faults, I make them work for me. They become a unique discordant song that never ends. Listen to the off-key and dragging notes, they are a symphony. Dance to my music. You‘ll never be bored and perhaps you‘ll forget about trying to change me.

Also published in Broowaha Magazine

A Dance With Peace – Thankfulness

 “Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.“ 

– Harriet Beecher Stowe

 

changing-my-ways

Thoughts rush as the rising of the tide

Feeling the surge of water,
stating an undeniable purpose.


Inevitable force pushing the emotion of
my perceived condition away.


Searching for contentedness,
everywhere to be found


Coming from a revelation
of the placement of my soul


Giving myself to gratitude,
it removes the blinders


Leaving only the peace that dances with me
in joy of my discovery

Also published in Wingposse, November 2012

A Song Within

“And all meet in singing, which braids together the different knowings into a wide and subtle music, the music of living. ” – Alison Croggon, The Naming 

“Words make you think. Music makes you feel. A song makes you feel a thought.”  

– Yip Harburg

I watched the waves, ambiance of shush,

Coerce an inner rhythm, a force to push,

A song from a heart, no one can hear

Only me singing, only me, no fear.

Now I’m singing, to music in my head.

I find myself drumming, hitting a rock instead.

Miracle of life. I see a better way.

To find myself singing, to music of the day.

02072011