Pleasure Of Pain – An addict’s suffering

“Addictions that plague our friends, family, and neighbors bring pain, both for the user and those who try in vain to love them in spite of the torturous twists and turns of their habit. To the addict: There are no easy answers, don’t stop trying, get back up and keep on fighting.” – Healey’s First Law Of Holes: When in one, stop digging. ― Denis Healey

elements4health

Alone again in a cheap hotel room
The small TV flickering
The nasty images tempting
Putting my fate in the Pleasure of Pain

Been everywhere, feeling nothing
Trying to recover, going nowhere
On the sticky carpet falling
Putting my fate in the Pleasure of Pain

Fears from everywhere I hear
Muffled screams from the room next door
The dirty mirror reflecting
Putting my fate in the Pleasure of Pain

It’s all gone, money is low
One more call, one more go
The old a/c is struggling
Putting my fate in the Pleasure of Pain

Collapse, need to get out
Twist and turn from the pain
The phone light is blinking
Putting my fate in the Pleasure of Pain

Sounds exploding out of silence
Flinching in paranoid terror
So lonely, no one’s coming
Putting my fate in the Pleasure of Pain

This is fun? (no!) This is exciting? (tears fall)
This is what I live for? (deep sigh)
My future’s a pay by week hotel room (God…help me)
Putting my fate in the Pleasure of Pain

12152010

Point of No Return

“In everybody’s life there’s a point of no return. And in a very few cases, a point where you can’t go forward anymore. And when we reach that point, all we can do is quietly accept the fact. That’s how we survive.” – Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

 

schwarzesonne

There are moments in my life of wandering, moments when I‘m breaking through the brush of mystery and intrigue in the nurture of existence, to find myself on the very edge of a cliff. A cliff of choice, the point of no return. Many choices, once made, offer no u-turns. My fate is sealed, the dice are rolled, the trigger is pulled. The air is thick with mist, the mist of unknowing. The wind blows up from the chasm of destiny, pulling my hair, pushing me back, forcing me to make a decision. I feel the ground giving way, circumstance will force my hand if I hesitate. Forward progress, by necessity, is a very definite and purposeful choice.  These moments come without warning, catching me in their frenzy and pressure. It’s almost to late. Be prepared my friends, fate comes quickly to demand of you, to smack you with reality, to dazzle you with fantasy, to ask you, what will you do? Choose carefully, once you leap, the ground comes to greet you with a startling quickness.

03222012

The Fall Of Leave

“pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly, and if left unresolved you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place.” Wm. Paul Young, The Shack

ourholyprincesszelda

Stepping over the edge, I fall gentle but fast
Everything a blur, except the ride now past

I struggle on clipped wings of desire

Feathers floating in a pinion fire

Calls they echo, off cliffs of saddened

Still I fall, my wings abandoned

A dream condemned only in aviary free
Wounded wings of fate in the fall of leave
01252012

 Also published in Broowaha

The Battle is Me

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.”August Wilson


Cataclysm-x

“My hand breaks my bones

My thoughts accuse and torment
My enemy is I, armies of Me bring enmity
Against my dichotomy, my duality

Where can I go from this fate?
Where can I flee from this destiny?
Where is the peace from battles fought?
When my worst foe, is my deepest thought” – DMW
There is a struggle that exists in my mind. Unseen enemies launch terroristic attacks against my peace and tranquility. Serenity dies a martyr’s death at the hands of hooded mercenaries. These are not physical combatants, they exist only in my mind. Hiding from this warfare is not possible, the fight follows me everywhere. Making advancements at great expense to my happiness, I press against them. The end waits, the war’s final battle. There are no options, no choices, other than to persevere and prevail in the battle against me, my own worst enemy.

The Battle is Me

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.”August Wilson


Cataclysm-x

“My hand breaks my bones

My thoughts accuse and torment
My enemy is I, armies of Me bring enmity
Against my dichotomy, my duality

Where can I go from this fate?
Where can I flee from this destiny?
Where is the peace from battles fought?
When my worst foe, is my deepest thought” – DMW
There is a struggle that exists in my mind. Unseen enemies launch terroristic attacks against my peace and tranquility. Serenity dies a martyr’s death at the hands of hooded mercenaries. These are not physical combatants, they exist only in my mind. Hiding from this warfare is not possible, the fight follows me everywhere. Making advancements at great expense to my happiness, I press against them. The end waits, the war’s final battle. There are no options, no choices, other than to persevere and prevail in the battle against me, my own worst enemy.