I can feel the sunshine on my skin,
The way it wraps you up in a cloth so smooth
It feels just as lovely as you once did
Laying on hot sand next to me
Our shoulders would touch, and there’d be this awkward silence
Then you’d smile abruptly, stand, pick me up and rush
Headfirst like the linebacker you are, towards the crashing waves.
You’d laugh and I’d squeal, draped over your shoulder blades.
My dead weight was nothing to you
You use to kiss me under the water
When the waves came and I feared I’d be washed away
You use to say, “Babe, I’m right here,”
You’d lean into me and kiss my forehead
Plant your feet into the sand, your two hands gripping my face.
You’d kiss me and it would be sweeter than honey
Smoother than any diamond green money could buy
Bitter like straight whiskey-
You’d steal my breath from me.
I don’t like that my once cherished memories
How they have these ways of sneaking up on me
I push them down; ignore the feelings
I avoid the places you might be
Close my eyes and count to three
When I see someone who happens to look just like you.
I’m standing in the rain, its pelting drops mangles with tears
Molding my hair into knots, burning my skin like acid would.
I’m standing on a pier and I’m not supposed to be here.
A swell makes the waves crash over the wooden planks.
I should leave.
Then I remember the day we jumped.
A rush so rich, my heart thudded against my chest.
You held so tightly onto my hand
Then wrapped me in your arms just before we hit the water.
When we swam to shore we were arrested.
The cop asked us if it was worth it
You grinned at him so brilliantly, dripping salt water in the back seat of his squad car and said
When the cop shook his head and asked why
You said, “My baby wanted to know what it would be like to fly.”