Tag: dancing

Have you ever felt it? – Simple things, simply love

 “The road to finding ‘the one’ is paved with a bit of promiscuity.” – Ryan Erickson

redbubble
Have you ever felt it?
I spent hours taking the little sunburned petals from your skin,
removing them ever so carefully, tenderly,
utterly in heaven, a heaven which surely,
the birds are familiar…
Have you ever felt it?
I lose myself in thoughts of you, and me, together
in a slow dance that walks us through the gates of fantasy
all our senses lost in the moment, hearts racing,
minds panting to keep up.
Have you ever felt it?
Bodies moving together, souls floating,
passion shared, in the heat forming a bond
that can never be broken, though you my lover
are very, very far away.
Have you ever felt it?

11192011

 
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The Possession of Jay Be

“I don’t want to repeat my innocence. I want the pleasure of losing it again.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise 
victoria ann-marie
You weren’t supposed to be there gliding and playing

with the twirl and spin of music dancing and hiding

playfully dodging the inquisition of mind.


Beside the crazy love of fools I’m drinking and dreaming

pouring lasting shots of you in the spinning and flowing

gracefully shaking your skirt in the chill of eve.


I thought to measure long the soul of leaving and fawning

by shear force of the mystical wind forcing and holding

tenderly with gypsy delight you possesses me.

Angel, Part 12 – A Glimmer of Betrayal

We decided to meet again at a mutual friends house, and soon drowned our past in bottles of liquor, as was our custom. The party gave us enough publicity to dial in our emotions and be civil, at least for a moment. The night went smoothly, and our intoxication soon led to giggling and playing grab-ass for a couple of hours. The self-induced heaven I maintained was an amazing effort on my behalf, emotions in check, brain on hold. Of course, the sexual tension that always surrounded my Angel and I kept me going, “Hell”, I thought, “if nothing else I’m gonna get laid”. That seemed to get me through many nights with her, and, if I sorted them out then, I’d see what really was wrong with us. It’s entirely possible to live in my head, not checking the facts or figures or any reality whatsoever. But so goes this dance and regardless of logic and pain, which never added up to a positive, the door shut and in the darkness, our hands found each other. I breathed her in great gasping breaths, like a drowning man, breaking the surface a moment before unconsciousness. My hands ripped her shirt near off, her nails left tiny blood lines of passions anger. Our bodies moved so smoothly, wet with perspiration, sexual excitement, and hunger. As we satisfied our lusts with our fingers, our mouths, every part of our body became a playground, things that some considered taboo, seemed to possess us. Closing my eyes to the music, swaying with her sounds, wet and sighing sounds of desperation and passion. The light from the new day showed the results of our play. Clothes were everywhere, the mattresses separated and laid crosswise displaying the crumpled sheets and suggestive pillows and silken ties. That’s when I saw it, as she rode on top, driving herself on me with hard strokes of still drunk love, a glint swung from her neck, a glimmer of gold, a spark of diamond dancing just above my face. I’m sure she forgot she was wearing it, a symbol of her betrayal to me, a sign of success for her, his necklace pronouncing a conquest of my Angel. Yanked from passion, I couldn’t stop, I really couldn’t move, hypnotized by her sex, and violated by her betrayal. Oh dear God, my heart is stopping, I can bear no more, my mind drove itself to these newest depths of darkened morose pure and unadulterated pain. She saw it on my face, my tightened jaw, not from an orgasm, but, and she knew it quick, from that necklace. I could barely breathe, my throat dryly gasped out, “Why? Why would you wear that here with me?” But that was my Angel, that is who she is, no thoughts of anyone but her, no understanding of the repercussions of her curiosities. I was the fool. I made this whole thing up in my mind, I created the “us” from my own fantasies. She merely rode the ride, the ups and downs being a thrill of entertainment and nothing more. My reality, merely a fantasy, an old man wrapped in the make up and pretty things of her young world.

The End


Angel, Part 11 – The Fornication of Love

silvereyedgirl
I stayed away for more than a few days, days of torment made longer by the endless churning of thoughts and questions. I kept my phone on me all the time, slept with it near my head, staring at the black form until sleep overtook my reluctant eyes and mind. Every day or two, my waiting was granted a teasing reprieve, her text would come through with the ring I had set for only her, electronic signals that love was alive in me, but was it love? I didn’t really care by this point, in the pain, truth and lies fucked each other, perhaps like we did, and in an orgasmic cloud, a fertile ground for these games, love twisted with deformities of lust. The games turned quickly to survival, her bullets of jealousy, desire, and my insatiable desire for her ripped through me with startling accuracy. I sat in an almost trance-like state, even while I tried to work there was a shock, a numbness that was only shattered by her call or the stabs of jealousy that poked at my cavity of care and concern for her. I was helpless. Strong, intelligent, and utterly helpless before my Angel. No other force on earth could have brought me to my knees as quick as her magic body and moist mouth. No choices were left for me, I had to see her, I would see her. I could swallow my pain and calm my shattered mind, we could make it work. She really didn’t mean it, she was young and had been hurt before. There’s no way that she really meant to do this, right? I mean she really had to love me, it was an anomaly, a freak of nature that she let it go this far, I mean no one could be so twisted. I consoled myself into my own fragile and crazed comfort, I’d forgive her. I’d treat her better, be there more, make more money, put myself in harms way for her. Yes, that’s how I’d show her that it’s ok. I still wanted her, more than ever it seemed. The next call would bring us together again. Ahh, sweet relief as I gathered the entrails of my dreams and stuffed them back into this amazing thing I had with my Angel. Only, the tears kept coming, unexpectedly creeping up and running down my cheek as I swallowed hard with the acceptance of this new Angel. It probably was my fault anyway. 

Angel, Part 5 – Jealousy Breeds Over Angel’s Dancing

bunnyalexander

The nights dragged on into months. We both learned the game, with a quickness necessitated out of survival rather than, as she supposed, fun and glamor. My angels’ eyes lost their shine, being replaced with a distant look now shared with the rest of the dancers. She was fresh on the scene, and new girls make a lot of money the first few months of their rotation, their clients hoping to sway them with “generosity”. Other more unscrupulous men, professionals, hoping to secure her in their own businesses, would throw her lure after lure and line after line. Not knowing how to handle the growing concern and yes, jealousy, I tormented myself by watching her night after night, grinding on them, whispering to them, and worse still, disappearing into the private rooms that cheapened the scene, their rudely built walls ending a foot short of the ceiling. My guts ripped in agony night after night, developing a hardness of heart that was unnatural but soothing. One client in particular purposely set himself to provoke me, giving me the impression that he was a danger to my angel, which drove me near insanity. I begged to her to dance for anyone else but him, it tormented me. Many nights I watched him with interest and growing anger, burning deep inside, like only a jealous lover can feel. A hatred growing so strong as to rival the love I had and would soon turn me into a dangerous man. He took her one night into the room, I followed and sat close, as close as I could get. Tears welled in my eyes, anger pushing at me, jealousy tugging me, my own care for her demanding I take action. I had not yet resorted to violence in my life as a means to an end, but that would soon change. For now, I took an unconventional approach. I yelled for her to stop. I figured if she wanted money, I would give her money, I could give her what he did, or so I believed. I threw hundred-dollar bills in crumpled wads over the wall, pleading for her to stop. He was giving her what I could never give her again, a stranger’s attention. I stormed out of the building, everything in me screaming and confused and on fire with powerful passion. She came and found me, comforting me, with kisses now growing cheaper with time, telling me that it was her job, and it was. However, I would learn that there are other parts of her job that were not so well advertised to those on the outside. This lesson I would be taught well, emphasized by the peculiar fact that I never saw those hundred-dollar bills again, ever, it was never even mentioned.

  

Also published in Broowaha

12132011 



Angel, Part 5 – Jealousy Breeds Over Angel’s Dancing

bunnyalexander

The nights dragged on into months. We both learned the game, with a quickness necessitated out of survival rather than, as she supposed, fun and glamor. My angels’ eyes lost their shine, being replaced with a distant look now shared with the rest of the dancers. She was fresh on the scene, and new girls make a lot of money the first few months of their rotation, their clients hoping to sway them with “generosity”. Other more unscrupulous men, professionals, hoping to secure her in their own businesses, would throw her lure after lure and line after line. Not knowing how to handle the growing concern and yes, jealousy, I tormented myself by watching her night after night, grinding on them, whispering to them, and worse still, disappearing into the private rooms that cheapened the scene, their rudely built walls ending a foot short of the ceiling. My guts ripped in agony night after night, developing a hardness of heart that was unnatural but soothing. One client in particular purposely set himself to provoke me, giving me the impression that he was a danger to my angel, which drove me near insanity. I begged to her to dance for anyone else but him, it tormented me. Many nights I watched him with interest and growing anger, burning deep inside, like only a jealous lover can feel. A hatred growing so strong as to rival the love I had and would soon turn me into a dangerous man. He took her one night into the room, I followed and sat close, as close as I could get. Tears welled in my eyes, anger pushing at me, jealousy tugging me, my own care for her demanding I take action. I had not yet resorted to violence in my life as a means to an end, but that would soon change. For now, I took an unconventional approach. I yelled for her to stop. I figured if she wanted money, I would give her money, I could give her what he did, or so I believed. I threw hundred-dollar bills in crumpled wads over the wall, pleading for her to stop. He was giving her what I could never give her again, a stranger’s attention. I stormed out of the building, everything in me screaming and confused and on fire with powerful passion. She came and found me, comforting me, with kisses now growing cheaper with time, telling me that it was her job, and it was. However, I would learn that there are other parts of her job that were not so well advertised to those on the outside. This lesson I would be taught well, emphasized by the peculiar fact that I never saw those hundred-dollar bills again, ever, it was never even mentioned.

  

Also published in Broowaha

12132011 



The Sound of Sirens

 “All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.” ― Edgar Allan Poe
heatherwanderer
I woke with a sweat drenched pillow, the dreams that enthralled me were just out of reach but I could struggle and recall them if I didn’t hesitant any longer and with that thought, I pulled back the sounds of voices, calling like the fine wind and string instruments of lyre and lute. The voices were right, wisdom echoed in their cadence as I found my ship drawn inextricably to their haunting direction. Have you ever smelled perfume? Not the cheap whorish variety that smelled like cotton candy but a subtle scent that lingered long after she left the room? That’s how her voice seemed, a wafting fragrance that captivated both mind and body and caused me to drift aimless but not so misdirected as one lost, for my wanderings found their home in her arms. Ok, now that I wrangled my dreams from their abyss, I can take my sweat soaked bedding and snap open a beer that waited for me in the icy bottom of the cooler. Simple pleasures, intense dreams, cold beer, what more could a man want from chasing the pleasures of his Queen? I could go on but would you be interested in the musings of one who gave his ear in desperation of love, or one who wrote under the influence of acid and heroin? If not for leisure, philosophy would find no fertile ground. How can you think when your body is burdened with heat, sweat and fatigue? Yet, as I grabbed the sweaty pillow, I was lying down, sleeping, and still I sweated with what? Passion? Work? What trick of nature is this? I’m still and yet my dreams bring labor, enough work to leave me exhausted. Perhaps I actually live a life beyond the awakened drudgery of normalcy? Society feels no compassion for the sweat obtained through dreams, and yet, that’s were the miracles of living are brought to a vivid reality. Yes, my thoughts are work, yes, that’s my job, and yes, from it I am weary and sweaty. I’m off to work again, don’t look for me on the street, my tasks take me to roads never seen, and I dance with voices never heard.

Angel, Part 10 – The Hunt

billiefuckingpiper

I gathered the leftovers of my senses and with a hollow aching knot deep in my gut, stronger than any hunger, I went to edges of sanity and looked over. Putting all my tools in the trunk of the car and covering them with a tear-stained blanket, I drove slowly in the early morning, my only company were the frogs and katydid’s of the country, and softly falling rain. Parking a mile away, off the road and hidden from curious eyes, I crept just close enough to her house to see the driveway and laying down in the wet grass, stared at her front door until my eyes ached and head pounded with concentration. Who I should kill first? Imaginations of what was going on between them were thumbscrews of jealousy that tightened around my throat in an unflinching grip. Many questions; some of her, some of me, some of him, were just empty mirrors that reflected a violence behind my eyes. The rain was gentle, the pain was not, both soaking me, both making me cold. There I laid for hours, till the early light of day peeked over the trees. I grinned, even the sun shuddered at what was going to happen. Someone must have told her I knew because they never showed. Walking back to my car and tears came again at what I was becoming. Following my Angel cost me everything, I lost my way and lost my identity. What was I doing? The unknown circumstances and crazy love drove me mercilessly, and loves evil sibling, Jealousy, took me farther than I ever thought possible. I shook off the channeled spirits of murder from my soul, thanking God, not for lack of courage, but for lack of opportunity. My imaginations stoked the fires of wicked intentions, but now I’m confused, for love had calmed me enough to lust for her again. I didn’t care if she slept with them, as long as I could hold her and act out my fantasies on her, fucking her like they did. This is love, this is us, this is hell.

Angel, Part 10 – The Hunt

billiefuckingpiper

I gathered the leftovers of my senses and with a hollow aching knot deep in my gut, stronger than any hunger, I went to edges of sanity and looked over. Putting all my tools in the trunk of the car and covering them with a tear-stained blanket, I drove slowly in the early morning, my only company were the frogs and katydid’s of the country, and softly falling rain. Parking a mile away, off the road and hidden from curious eyes, I crept just close enough to her house to see the driveway and laying down in the wet grass, stared at her front door until my eyes ached and head pounded with concentration. Who I should kill first? Imaginations of what was going on between them were thumbscrews of jealousy that tightened around my throat in an unflinching grip. Many questions; some of her, some of me, some of him, were just empty mirrors that reflected a violence behind my eyes. The rain was gentle, the pain was not, both soaking me, both making me cold. There I laid for hours, till the early light of day peeked over the trees. I grinned, even the sun shuddered at what was going to happen. Someone must have told her I knew because they never showed. Walking back to my car and tears came again at what I was becoming. Following my Angel cost me everything, I lost my way and lost my identity. What was I doing? The unknown circumstances and crazy love drove me mercilessly, and loves evil sibling, Jealousy, took me farther than I ever thought possible. I shook off the channeled spirits of murder from my soul, thanking God, not for lack of courage, but for lack of opportunity. My imaginations stoked the fires of wicked intentions, but now I’m confused, for love had calmed me enough to lust for her again. I didn’t care if she slept with them, as long as I could hold her and act out my fantasies on her, fucking her like they did. This is love, this is us, this is hell.

Angel, Part 9 – The Call

billigibbons

The parties ended the same, taking the cash and getting drunk off our ass, then fucking each other raw till we passed out. Her body was young, firm and supple. She easily withstood the ravages of those long nights and trailer appointments in the hood. I’m a creature of habit, and, true to form, found my rhythm and performed flawlessly. Except for the little splits in my sanity, the little blackouts now and then. Was it because of stress? Alcohol? I really think my Angel is making me crazy. Love, damn the love that drives me, that won’t let me go, that keeps me tied to her. Shit, it didn’t matter, I barely had time to think about serious things, she kept me going and going. Isn’t this how the military breaks their prisoners? Lack of sleep, push, pain, push, pain, push. I knew I was coming apart, I knew what was happening to us. The paths that we walked down, never had a peaceful end. I kept going and going, never looking back, never having time too.
 
She wanted more. More money, more exposure to the life, more manipulation. This meant one thing inevitably whispered her name. Call girl. Which, has a legitimate sound, and like exotic dancing, is legit, but what she had in mind was to be paraded around, bought lovely things, be spoiled with attention, and then…to culminate the affair. Any woman would love that, but she wanted to make a business of it. In other words, a prostitute. I found this out, not by her telling me, breaking it to me easy like the private parties, but by soul wrecking surprise. I came to the club to drop off flowers, a spontaneous thing I did for her, my Angel. One of the girls met me at the door. She said that my Angel wasn’t there. She left with another guy. There it was, the brilliant crack of lightning as my mind and world shredded down the middle and splintered into a thousand self-destructive shards. Those shards hungered for more than my destruction. Oh no, I had more sinister intentions. Rage, mixed with betrayal, love and overwhelming curiosity to know all the facts. Perfect for creating a devil for my angel. I found the code to her voice mail (she still had the generic code set on it, go figure) and listened to the man arrange the date. I listened from the pay phone outside a little rat hole back city bar. It was dark, all the lights seemed yellow, dim, and barely holding their own. Leaning against the booth I replayed it over and over. Tears began, coursing down my cheeks in an angry, hurt mess. They would not be the last tears, nor would I be the the only one crying.