Missing – It lives in me

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter how much, how often, or how closely you keep an eye on things because you can’t control it. Sometimes things and people just go. Just like that.” – Cecelia Ahern
“Waiting here for you.
A long, long time for you.
Through the night,
‘Till the morning,
‘Till the dawn of a new day
For you, to come, to me”
Sylvia Doyle
 
Missing, it has personality, a heartbeat, it lives in me. With hope it builds up, then crashes down in sharp shards that rip across my mind; holding my chest I vainly try to keep in my soul that which is flowing freely through my fingers with no respite. The distance, so hard, the missing so heavy. No fuel for the fires of comfort in this moment, aching to hold you again. No way to make time hurry, it pursues me mercilessly, as I spend my days running one step ahead of the ache. When I stop, it collides with my soul, running through it with full force, leaving the hollow echo of you. Your alive, not dead, your gone, but your still here. There’s no resolution when love is taken by force and held away against my will.

01262012

Take The Leap

“All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without benefit of experience.” – Henry Miller
“The most dangerous thing in the world is to try to leap a chasm in two jumps.”
– David Lloyd George
zanewilsonimages

I see it in your eyes, the pain you try to hide. Just beyond the beauty, right below the smile, lies the confusion, the pain of not knowing, the paralysis of indecision. You want to know for sure before you leap off that board of comfort. But you cannot know for sure, ever, that the leap your about to take is the right one. It’s that moment, when you step out of habitual comfort, out of imagined safety, it‘s that moment that a miracle of transformation, the creative motion of life, begins to reveal the you that you were created to be. God holds our hand to encourage us take the leap, only then will you see yourself and know by experience, the love of your creator.

10102011

Down the Rabbit Hole

Written by the Muse in memory of her beloved man, Barry,  who I met through his group, The Posse’s Lair, on Facebook,
How far down does the rabbit hole go?


You always wanted to know.
Shall I follow you there?
Are you clearing a path as you
Have cleared paths for me before?

Will you wait for me?
You know my impatience.
I was your shadow, turn around
And I was always there.
I looked up
And you were always there.

We were inseparable, compatible,
One body sprung from the other.
It’s a painful separation.

How far down does the rabbit hole go?
I peer inside, it’s dark, and I call out
Only to hear my own voice returning to me,
“Where are you? Can you hear me?”

I’m afraid of the dark.
Will I find brier and root
Blocking my way to you,
My compass star,
Who gave me reason to love,
To laugh, to sing?
Now only this echo is my guide,
Or is it your voice
Calling back to me?
I never could tell the difference..
And that brings me some comfort.

How far down does the rabbit hole go?
You always wanted to know.

Muse

We‘ll be there soon Barry, Viva La Revolution!

 

A Hiding Place – Notes on fear and safety

“There are no ‘if’s’ in God’s world. And no places that are safer than other places. The center of His will is our only safety – let us pray that we may always know it!”
Corrie ten Boom, The Hiding Place
Image Credit: 2sad-eyes

Safety is a relative term, as I can feel safe in places others can’t. The reverse is true as well, there are common things that cause me to feel threatened. Losing the feeling of safety is one of the effects of being the victim of a violent crime, especially a sexual assault. I despise this fear, and long for safety. Knowing better than to place my trust in a relationship, a group, a law, or even my own devices, I find that there is only one place I am completely sheltered, in the arms of my Father. When I am spending time with Him, He protects me and holds me, comforting me in my fears. There the feeling of safety is irrelevant, for in that moment I am truly safe. Who can touch me when His strong arms wrap my soul in warmth and his unending love comforts my conspiracies laden mind? Feelings of being safe will come if I discipline myself stay in that place where no man and no obscure terror can prevail. In that place I will sleep and laugh at the derision of men.

Also published in Broowaha Magazine 

02242012