co-dependence – Opinions Of Eye

“The guns taught only one thing, but they taught it well: of what consequence is life? Of what consequence is a man? And, therefore, of what consequence if he tramples love in one place and goes to find it in the next? The little moment that he has, let him be at peace, far from the guns and all that remind him of them.” – Cornell Woolrich, The Fantastic Stories of Cornell Woolrich

ureyes2me

The wound, hidden, bled through his clothes

Those he meets casually talk in cliches

Yet his eyes, bright with promise, gleam for today

He will never stop running, though he grows weak,

from the stain flowing down his shirt

Yet his eyes, bright with promise, gleam for today

If you need help with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) click here

08082011

Still – Losing love to addiction

“When you can stop you don’t want to, and when you want to stop, you can’t…”
– Luke Davies, Candy

“What about today, you ask? Today it’s already too late. He’ll be home soon, and I have dinner on the stove, and wine chilling in the fridge. And he will smile at me when he comes through the door, and I will pretend like this fragile, dangerous thing we have created between us can last forever.
Just one last time, Sweets. Just one last fix. That’s all I need.
And that is why I now understand addiction.” –
― Marie Sexton, Strawberries for Dessert

lizzesaurus

Now love is to suffer at addictions hand,

This fight that happens I can’t understand.

I wish it were you that love had freed.

But addiction won, it a sturdy steed

Forcing itself on loves soft breast

Love itself would lose the test.

So take your leave I know you will

Follow your lust, I love you still

Related post: Evidence of a Shell

10302011

If you need help with addiction GET IT.

I Miss Me

“There are two questions a man must ask himself: The first is ‘Where am I going?’ and the second is ‘Who will go with me?’ If you ever get these questions in the wrong order you are in trouble.”
― Sam Keen, Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man

I gave you my desire,
I gave you my fire,
I gave you my touch
I loved you so much

I gave you my labor
I gave you my anchor
I gave you my shield
I loved you to yield

I gave you my years
I gave you my tears
I gave you understanding
I loved you unending

I gave you my nights
I gave you my rights
I gave you my soul
I loved you to be whole

I gave, you took
I gave, you turned
I gave, you went
I gave, I miss me….

Also published in Broowaha

01202011

The Violation of…

“… you don’t have to wait for someone to treat you bad repeatedly. All it takes is once, and if they get away with it that once, if they know they can treat you like that, then it sets the pattern for the future.” – Jane Green, Bookends

You shout at me, I try to ignore what you do
Your always there, I try to behave
You won’t let me be alone, I don’t want a shadow
You don’t let me talk, I’m too loud
You will never give up, I try to run
You make me afraid, I make excuses
You intimidate my friends, I try to explain
You hide and peek at me, I can’t know where you are
You intrude on my privacy, I just want to be alone
You threaten my existence, I just want to be safe
You make me do things, I’m embarrassed to say
You sink lower in your life, I watch you fall
You struggle to bring me down, I struggle to breathe
You will not win, I’ll survive
You will not change me, I’ll be hard
You will not violate me again, I will kill

Also Published in Broowaha

12152010

Collateral Damage – Know when to let go of that hell bent soul

“She doesn’t know what she is doing

Only acting on what was taught her

Behaving irrationally and using

Destroying those who loved her

She goes on with her life

Only causing pain

There is always strife

Collateral damage, no gain.” – DMW

Hurting people, hurt people. It is no surprise, when you chase a hell bent soul to the edge, that your drawn down after them. Stand strong on your ground and know when to let go. Some people cannot be rescued. They must live out their destiny, which they have chosen, and you must let go. Beware then of collateral damage, for their life is like an exploding bomb and you can be hurt without seeing the wound. Collateral damage, the best defense is to not be there.

“We met one day after I was diagnosed

But I didn’t tell you.

You liked Wes Anderson

So did I

You listened to Bright Eyes

I did too

And one day, you told me

That you liked me

But I didn’t

So I kissed you instead

And told you about

How I liked to be on top

And how I wanted you

To be rougher

And I didn’t want you

To say my name and ruin the mood

All the things that seem personal

But really aren’t

But you said it

You said

That you loved me

But I didn’t

And this time

You wanted more than a kiss

So I went and kissed your father instead

Right in front of you

I wanted you to remember me like that

You didn’t talk to me for weeks

And then you showed up on my doorstep

Happily drunk on misery

And you said I destroyed you

And you said

I destroyed you

I said, Oh Honey

I didn’t destroy you, I destroyed me, you were just

Collateral Damage” – lickallbrook

Published in: Broowaha

111611

Collateral Damage – Know when to let go of that hell bent soul

“She doesn’t know what she is doing

Only acting on what was taught her

Behaving irrationally and using

Destroying those who loved her

She goes on with her life

Only causing pain

There is always strife

Collateral damage, no gain.” – DMW

“We met one day after I was diagnosed

But I didn’t tell you.

You liked Wes Anderson

So did I

You listened to Bright Eyes

I did too

And one day, you told me

That you liked me

But I didn’t

So I kissed you instead

And told you about

How I liked to be on top

And how I wanted you

To be rougher

And I didn’t want you

To say my name and ruin the mood

All the things that seem personal

But really aren’t

But you said it

You said

That you loved me

But I didn’t

And this time

You wanted more than a kiss

So I went and kissed your father instead

Right in front of you

I wanted you to remember me like that

You didn’t talk to me for weeks

And then you showed up on my doorstep

Happily drunk on misery

And you said I destroyed you

And you said

I destroyed you

I said, Oh Honey

I didn’t destroy you, I destroyed me, you were just

Collateral Damage” – lickallbrook

Published in: Broowaha

111611

Saltwater of Lust

“I was always holding onto people, and they were always leaving.”
– Lili St. Crow, Jealousy

Syrkell

The following is a fictional account, don’t get all worked up over it…

Yeah, I paid you for your services, what you thought was sex. Yeah, you used all my drugs, trashed my house, and spent my money. You lay down next to me, and to your surprise, I ask, “Can you just hold me”. You left within a minute, surprised at the intimacy I required. I can get sex without paying for it, but can I get you to just hold me? No amount of money or drugs can get you to just lay here for hours, caressing me, holding me, giving me affection, helping me to feel like I’m someone special. You leave me here, alone, me and my high. I can never get high enough, drunk enough, to lose this feeling of rejection and abandonment. I need to have a woman’s touch, that thing which you hold from me, your affections. Now I must go on, with wildness fucking every woman I can get my hands on, trying in vain to quench this thirst with the salt water of lust. What a fucked up game this is, a fucked up hand I’ve been dealt, to need something that I can never get on my own, to need you. I suppose I can blame it on anything I wish, but in the end, can you just hold me?

The Queen – Chapter 2 – The subjects of the Queen

The late afternoon turned to the late night, evidenced by the visible change in both volume and appearance of my queens subjects. The large middle aged blue collar slave, began to morph into, a slicker, more refined slave, those whose love for my queen, gave birth to other interests, like little meetings in the restroom, hushed conversation with obvious handshakes concluding their business. The toll my queen takes on her subjects spurred them on to more devious measures of support for her, their habit. I reached for what I thought was my last 10, and with disgruntled acknowledgment, got a small wad of pocket lint in return. My evening was over, time to make room for the others. I swayed a little when I got up, the servants of my queen were generous in their distribution of libations, knowing that it eased the passage of my money, her money, onto her throne. My breath, in a misty complaint of the cold air, clouded my sight as I walked out into the dull colors of the night. I breathed in deep, sorrow at having to leave my queen. Lowering my eyes, focusing on the crumpled paper blowing aimlessly at my feet, I followed it’s haphazard path down the street away from the throne. I felt the slight tap at my shoulder, it jolted me from my miserable summation, and turning, I see, my queen. Or was it? She had removed her royal garb, her hair a different color, (the wig hanging with her ornaments in the changing room). Her eyes softer, dare I say, innocent, without the heavy colors, the extended lashes, that brought out their seductive gaze from the dark. Speaking a whisper in my ear, I knew, it was her, my queen, her voice had confirmed her bond. She still had control, even in this visage. I knew, in a few soft words, my role of servant, now went to protector…amazing how she can put me in positions that I never thought I could fill. I, the newly knighted slave, threw my coat around her. Come my queen, I’ll protect you, youll be safe with me. This is why I work my mundane, back breaking job, so I might protect her and escape from the listless world that was mine, outside this Queen’s castle.

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