Obsession

“When you live with voices in your head, you are drawn inextricably to voices outside your head. Very often the voices work to confirm your worst suspicions. Or think of things you could never have imagined! There are only so many hours of the day to hate yourself.” Emma Forrest, Your Voice in My Head
 
templeofdamneds

 Obsession, a compulsive often unreasonable idea or emotion. My obsession is a self imposed attack on my body that’s not only pervasive, but changes it’s angle of assault every 4 -6 months. My mind, whether from a comment, a look, a misunderstood text, or a bad day, will berate me about a particular body feature without mercy. After I became completely obsessed with it, even making unreasonable changes, the area of obsession would change. I’d literally drop all thoughts concerning that body feature or action and begin a new regimen of torture around the next perceived “fault”. This led me to believe that the problems weren’t in my body but in my self-perception and what I perceived others thought of me.  Most of the time what I thought they thought about me was wrong. That “look” that they gave was totally unrelated to who or what I am. My egocentricity caused me to believe that I was the topic of every thought process in those around me. The plain truth? Most of the time no one cares enough to think that long and hard about me. To take the offensive against my renegade thoughts, I knew I had to be happy with my body and refuse to interpret what I believed others where thinking (which likely wasn’t true). I recognized the futility of conforming to a constantly changing standard of appearance and found that happiness with who I am, is the greatest compliment to my being. Holding my head high, I’ll be confident and sure, no matter what I think you think about how I look.

01282012

Holy Sanctum – The Invasion

“Sometimes great power brings out the worst in us, and unfortunately, it isn’t until people are given it that we see the true shades of their character.”
Barbara Kloss, Gaia’s Secret

cuppikacke20

The malevolence is forceful, it pushes on me, 

Malicious hands covering my mouth

Tearing at the clothing of my soul, I feel his hardness

Slamming me against a battered wall of reality

Forcing me, the scarred fingers of feigned goodness,

Pulling back the hair on my sacred ground

His hand on my throat, cutting off life from my holy sanctum

Now His weight is on me, in me, pushing and pulling me

I respond with obedient, corrupted innocence

The shattered remains of my soul speak:

Why have you done this?

Related Post: Endless Sky

Also published in Broowaha Magazine

01292012

Holy Sanctum – The Invasion

“Sometimes great power brings out the worst in us, and unfortunately, it isn’t until people are given it that we see the true shades of their character.”
Barbara Kloss, Gaia’s Secret

cuppikacke20

The malevolence is forceful, it pushes on me, 

Malicious hands covering my mouth

Tearing at the clothing of my soul, I feel his hardness

Slamming me against a battered wall of reality

Forcing me, the scarred fingers of feigned goodness,

Pulling back the hair on my sacred ground

His hand on my throat, cutting off life from my holy sanctum

Now His weight is on me, in me, pushing and pulling me

I respond with obedient, corrupted innocence

The shattered remains of my soul speak:

Why have you done this?

Related Post: Endless Sky

Also published in Broowaha Magazine

01292012