The Pain Of Being Good –

“He’s not safe, but he’s good (referring to Aslan, the Lion, in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe)” ― C.S. Lewis 
jimmyfungus
Monotony is a life I cannot endure and like the Chinese torture of a thousand cuts, each ordinary minute, and every plain hour, is an excruciating drain of my sanity’s blood.  My brain, being calloused by experiences that nearly destroyed me, craves danger and manipulates me to destroy success to create the drama I’m addicted to. I’ve an endless thirst that cracks my tongue and mind with desire for the spiraling waters of a hurricane, a wind blown vertical rain that stings my eyes and gives me a desire for living, if only for another second. My thoughts won’t wander from survival in this storm long enough for the pain of worry and boredom to take effect. The pressure of being good, i.e free from crisis, for to long leaves me open to the tedium of thoughts that pin me beneath their weight, but when I’m fighting for survival, struggling to gasp another breath, there’s no room for the mad thinking that sickens me and drives my weary soul deep into the blackness of insanity. They push me toward the edge and as I fight to keep my ground, I’ll smile at the fight that, if only for a moment, gives me release and a reason to live…then a moment of clarity comes to me. I look outside and see a squirrel eating the seeds I laid out and a smile crosses my lips. Little things that start a new way of thinking, of living, of dying. Maybe by bringing sustenance to the world, I’ll keep my shit together and not go stark raving mad. I’m in the boot camp of recovery, and this is my training to rebuild a broken mind.

Also published in Broowaha
First published in Opinions Of Eye
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Mr P – Pain my companion

“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
phantasmagasm
Hey Mr P!
I’m so glad to have your acquaintance.
You’ve been by my side through good and bad.
You made sure I always was aware of you following behind me
I’m glad your here, without you, where would I be?
Because of you I’m sharp, on my toes and on guard
Otherwise I would be apathetic, dull, and
lulled to sleep by pleasure
I’m glad your here.
You remind me life is short and
to make sure I enjoy the little things.
You tell me to say I love you
to those close to me.
You make me aware that I need
something greater than myself.
By that, you have led me to spiritual pursuits
which have brought me great peace
in my afflictions.
I don’t wish you to leave,
I’m used to you and I realize
I cant truly love or live without you here.
Mr. Pain, thank you.

Mr P – Pain my companion

“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
phantasmagasm
Hey Mr P!
I’m so glad to have your acquaintance.
You’ve been by my side through good and bad.
You made sure I always was aware of you following behind me
I’m glad your here, without you, where would I be?
Because of you I’m sharp, on my toes and on guard
Otherwise I would be apathetic, dull, and
lulled to sleep by pleasure
I’m glad your here.
You remind me life is short and
to make sure I enjoy the little things.
You tell me to say I love you
to those close to me.
You make me aware that I need
something greater than myself.
By that, you have led me to spiritual pursuits
which have brought me great peace
in my afflictions.
I don’t wish you to leave,
I’m used to you and I realize
I cant truly love or live without you here.
Mr. Pain, thank you.