Just A Look

“Women are like tricks by sleight of hand, Which, to admire, we should not understand. – WILLIAM CONGREVE, Love for Love

“The plainest man who pays attention to women, will sometimes succeed as well as the handsomest man who does not.” – CHARLES CALEB COLTON, Lacon

 

mvninn

The attentions of a woman make me feel alive and vibrant with power. Like a crashing wave, her look and positive glance wash over my life leave me with a feeling of satisfaction. What curse am I under? The power in her movement captivates me and stops my whole world to see her for a moment on the miraculous hinge of change, all it takes is her reaction. If she likes me, pays me some attention, then peace and excitement in abundance. If she turns away, her rejection ignites a fire, inciting a riot of feelings in my body. Though heaven call and hell reach, nothing matters but her at that moment. There’s no end to the amazing things that I’ll put my body and mind through to see her smile. Not just a special her, but the one that has stopped my heart from proceeding with its mundane tasks. Dropped to my knees, not by an amazing model, rare and fleeting, but by that woman who holds herself with such confidence and sexuality that I find a smell of desire wafting across the room to bring me to my knees. I’ve stumbled down the steep paths of self-esteem, yet to know she’s there, watching with interest, gives me the most incredible lift. This hawk takes to an empowering thermal desire and rises to heights unreachable when you, sweet woman, give me your smile.

01242013

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Obsession

“When you live with voices in your head, you are drawn inextricably to voices outside your head. Very often the voices work to confirm your worst suspicions. Or think of things you could never have imagined! There are only so many hours of the day to hate yourself.” – Emma Forrest, Your Voice in My Head

 

templeofdamneds

 Obsession, a compulsive often unreasonable idea or emotion. My obsession is a self imposed attack on my body that’s not only pervasive, but changes it’s angle of assault every 4 -6 months. My mind, whether from a comment, a look, a misunderstood text, or a bad day, will berate me about a particular body feature without mercy. After I became completely obsessed with it, even making unreasonable changes, the area of obsession would change. I’d literally drop all thoughts concerning that body feature or action and begin a new regimen of torture around the next perceived “fault”. This led me to believe that the problems weren’t in my body but in my self-perception and what I perceived others thought of me.  Most of the time what I thought they thought about me was wrong. That “look” that they gave was totally unrelated to who or what I am. My egocentricity caused me to believe that I was the topic of every thought process in those around me. The plain truth? Most of the time no one cares enough to think that long and hard about me. To take the offensive against my renegade thoughts, I knew I had to be happy with my body and refuse to interpret what I believed others where thinking (which likely wasn’t true). I recognized the futility of conforming to a constantly changing standard of appearance and found that happiness with who I am, is the greatest compliment to my being. Holding my head high, I’ll be confident and sure, no matter what I think you think about how I look.

01282012

Alone –

 “Imaginary lovers
Never turn you down
When all the others turn you away
They’re around
It’s my private pleasure
Midnight fantasy
Someone to share my
Wildest dreams with me” 

– Atlanta Rhythm Section

 

DreamWind

I’d do anything to keep from being alone, pay any price, be used to the “nth” degree and never say a word. Being used is better than being alone but it stings knowing the object of my affection will hurt me, maim my spirit, and destroy my forward progress. Still, I follow hard after her, giving all to maintain that relationship and avoid the terrors of being alone. What compromises have I willing conceded to? What violations of my self-esteem and personal space have I allowed for unrequited affection? What tortures has my heart been through, my body feeling the wretch of emotions that sets my nerves on fire? Being addicted, not to a substance, but to a world of egocentric affection that I’ve created by taking the object of my affection and embellishing her to a fantastic degree. I should know better, I do know better. The voices of friends and family, concerned that I am “being used”, try to slap me awake. Ignoring their advice, pushing away the voice of truth, I continue to live a world that only I see. Go away you bearers of truth, you wreckers of dreams, this is my world, I will not see it in your light! I take my script and apply it haphazardly, patching up the holes in the dike containing my empty dreams. Eagerly lapping up my lack of self-control and willful delusion, the protagonist in my play continues to feed my world of facades with empty compliments, cool affections, and eyes empty of love.  One day I’ll wake up and grab hold of myself, one day I’ll acknowledge this self-imposed hell, one day…but for now, I look at her and imagine how she loves me.

Also published in Broowaha

012112

Glory Undone – A woman succumbs to vice –

“She’s not happy about the life she is living but to jump through the hoop would mean to succumb to death.” – Kit Williams

*

I saw her give up and fall to addictions vice:

 

“Your legs splayed in graphic way

Wanting to leave this world, come and play

Scoring your hits underneath dark worlds
Flying, inhibition burned in pink pearl

Reaching to touch your body magnificent

I’m held at bay by your habit’s descent

Changed from a fondled object of desire

Picking at your curves that soft skin on fire

Tears they are my lover as you fade from sight

Pleasure was ours until you hid in your night”

– Nightfall, D.M.W. Sager

*

Glory is undone as the softness turns to a melted waste of surrender

 

Gone is the shine from the jewel of your womanhood

 

Shame clothes a golden soul tarnished by wantonness

 

Laying down your fight as your thoughts of peace fall with fear

 

What’s left now that you gave your glory to another?

 

Stained garments of unusual color adorn your nakedness

 

Dive into the murky river as it flows away

 

Perhaps your deeds will not settle on your life

*

Pressing back the past, recover your glory undone.

Also published in Broowaha Magazine

First published in Opinions Of Eye.com

 02132012 

 

Time for Observation- Seeing the problem

“If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles.”– Sun Tzu

 “Opportunities multiply as they are seized.” – Sun Tzu
 

There are things amiss inside my mind that are revealed at different stages of life. Being sensitive to these times is crucial; it is their observation that presents the advantage. The opportunity may soon pass, leaving me to deal with the repercussions. Though it‘s uncomfortable to face a deficit of body, mind, or character, acknowledgment of it is the first step in healing and recovery. Why this happens in particular time frames is a mystery but Sun Tzu emphasized waiting for these special times in dealing with enemies. Likewise, I use this perception of the problem to gain the upper hand on habits and stubborn, painful problems. Learn about what you see, study it. Observe it, not to make judgments on it, but simply explore the parameters of the trouble. Make notes on it, listen to advice, opinions, studies, or simply examine times and places of it. Whatever your observations, they are all necessary for the fruition of victory. In all this watching, I learn about myself, and to know myself is prerequisite to victory.

09202012

Time for Observation- Seeing the problem

“If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles.”– Sun Tzu

 “Opportunities multiply as they are seized.” – Sun Tzu
 

There are things amiss inside my mind that are revealed at different stages of life. Being sensitive to these times is crucial; it is their observation that presents the advantage. The opportunity may soon pass, leaving me to deal with the repercussions. Though it‘s uncomfortable to face a deficit of body, mind, or character, acknowledgment of it is the first step in healing and recovery. Why this happens in particular time frames is a mystery but Sun Tzu emphasized waiting for these special times in dealing with enemies. Likewise, I use this perception of the problem to gain the upper hand on habits and stubborn, painful problems. Learn about what you see, study it. Observe it, not to make judgments on it, but simply explore the parameters of the trouble. Make notes on it, listen to advice, opinions, studies, or simply examine times and places of it. Whatever your observations, they are all necessary for the fruition of victory. In all this watching, I learn about myself, and to know myself is prerequisite to victory.

09202012

Lover – A Passion With Words

“No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise in the writer, no surprise in the reader.” – Robert Frost

A reblogged post from Descending Ascension

loveendlesslyforevermore

My lover draws twine and yarn past my lips.

Threading words through my mind.

Coiling and winding ‘round my neck,

only letting pass words of breadth

My lover lets me liken glass to diamonds,

and forget the time.

Passionate and gentle.

Pulling me into a feverish passion.

Stopping my breath with a single word,

a simple phrase,

a quiet truth,

my lover knows how to look past my ruse.

Each passing moment is spent filled with the emotions evoked by such passions

Turmoil,

Desire,

Sorrow,

Joy.

Caressing me.

Tenderly kissing 

every page of my body.

Sighing my verse.

Let me write our love.

Demanding no physical touch.

Merely heartfelt words,

restraining our touch 

only to be released through the words on this page.

You understand this is my love.

My writings are my lover,

and I it’s suitor.

-R.S.L.S

Written by: Descending Ascension

My Little Fox – The tentative approach of a lover

“If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.” –  Masaru Emoto, The Secret Life of Water

Lu Carbyn

I saw a little fox

come to the edge of the meadow

blooms framed her silhouette  

I watched that little fox

check the air with anticipation

her senses peeked about her

I sat still for the little fox

she was frightened by possibilities

mixed premonitions

I reached out my hand to the little fox

unexpectedly, incredibly she came

eyes bright and body alert

I picked up my little fox

she kissed my face and playfully expressed

her joy at my boldness