Somnambulation –

 “I don’t know,” he said. “I just feel like I have to do something.”
“Do what?”
“I don’t know. That’s what’s wrong. Or part of what’s wrong. I feel like I’m sleepwalking.”
Rainbow Rowell, Attachments
Once I was awake and aware,
not that long ago I swear.
Sleep walking and as I go,
moving is unkindly slow.
Force a smile but for me,
awake again will never be.
Doomed to wander in this fright,
dark in here is always light.
In a slumbering place I shake,
always walking never awake.
First Published in Opinions of Eye

Little Pills

“It is not seen as insane when a fighter, under an attack that will inevitably lead to his death, chooses to take his own life first. In fact, this act has been encouraged for centuries, and is accepted even now as an honorable reason to do the deed. How is it any different when you are under attack by your own mind?” 

These little pills, make me all of me.

Many times, taking one

and sometimes three

I shake my head, tsk tsk, I’m not awake

I sleep with my eyes open

its not all fake

This daylight walker needs to really know

these little pills

aren’t a pretty show

In the noisy stillness of slippery caverns

my madness breeds

like drunks in taverns

I’m held aloft by the chemicals they give

Is this really me,

or the little pills I hid?
Prescriptions are given to those with mental illnesses that produced a variety of effects both positive and negative. The thought occurs to me, is this the real me when I take the pills? Or is this another me produced by them? Do I want to be the real me? or a product of chemicals? Can I be me when under the influence of these treatments? This battle of identity is the primary reason I don’t take psychotropic medicines (even those prescribed), I just wanna be the crazy, insane me. There are however some conditions that are treated with meds which, if the subject is to be in society at large, need to be adhered to. Always seek professional help about going off your meds. 

Curved Intentions – Becoming your feast

“Do not imagine that the good you intend will balance the evil you perform” 
Curved intentions, raking my back, I’m caught

Tearing my skin I pull away taught

Faithful I lay awake in pretend

Hoping quickly my life will end

Hungry breath and obsessed eyes

Biting through my gentleness you despise

Quivering, shaking the cold of afterlife

My soul separated by desire’s knife