Wisdom’s Seven Pillars – Pillar #4 Quietness –

“Wisdom has built her house, she has carved out her seven pillars:”
Proverbs 9:1.
The aim of this series is to present a non-cliche, non-religious point of view of wisdom. I do subscribe to some religious interpretations of the subjects addressed, but wish to here, only point out the common understanding of the principles.
 
 “Those who know do not talk. Those who talk do not know. Keep your mouth closed… this therefore is the highest state of man.”
– Tao Te Ching 56
 
“One who will not accept solitude, stillness and quiet recurring moments…is caught up in the wilderness of addictions; far removed from an original state of being and awareness. This is ‘dis-ease.”
T.F. Hodge,
From Within I Rise: Spiritual Triumph Over Death and Conscious Encounters with “The Divine Presence”

More harm is done to both reputation and relationships by my words more than any other thing I do. My first inclination should be quietness, calmness, and contemplation of the matter at hand. When I’m offended, hurt, or angry, I must keep my mouth shut, at least initially. Keeping the secrets and confidence placed on me, holding my thoughts and tongue, I protect myself and others. Talking about injustices done to me only keeps the hurt alive and fans the flames of anger. Quietness is a refuge, in contrast expressing my opinion at every turn is never necessary. There are times to express myself, but only when these conversations are governed by wisdom’s pillars. I must show restraint when my heart bursts to speak, when my stomach aches to exact verbal revenge on those who are against me, when my pride wants to tell everything I think I know. Holding my tongue and keeping knowledge and opinions to myself produces confidence and inspires the same in others around me. In quietness and confidence is my strength.
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Wisdom’s Seven Pillars – Pillar #2 Peace –

“Wisdom has built her house, she has carved out her seven pillars:” Proverbs 9:1. The aim of this series is to present a non-cliche, non-religious point of view of wisdom. I do subscribe to some religious interpretations of the subjects addressed, but wish to here, only point out the common understanding of the principles.  

If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.”
Nelson Mandela

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten we belong to each other”
Pillar #2 Peace 

Wisdom will always seek a way to bring peace within myself and with others. Peace with myself always precedes peace with others. It’s imperative that I find a place of calmness, centered in myself and quiet in my thoughts and from that haven I influence my relationships  looking for ways to get along with my enemy, my friend, my spouse, and my nation. Haste has no room in this pursuit. Anger will rise tempting me to act impulsively but I must resist every urge to act quickly. Calmness, confidence, and quietness will be the lighthouses that guide me through the dire straights of relationships. Taking a deep breath, calming my emotions and raging thoughts, I find the peace that’s born from mother Wisdom.

257 – The Circles of My Hell

“In the middle of the journey of our life I found myself within dark woods where the straight way was lost.” ― Dante Alighieri, Inferno  

“The path to paradise begins in hell.” ― Dante Alighieri

257 is a number not much to you

the circles they represent

drive the knife straight through

2 is Lust with its desire and evil licks

a graveyard cold encounter

killers touch of a feigned kiss

5 is anger and you know of nights

lovers wrestle their pain

angry sex and lust fueled fights

7 is a violent end of the two

bringing an end to the battle

blood stained hands all over you

Two Methods For Dealing With Negative People

“Relationships with negative people are simply tedious encounters with porcupines. You don’t have the remote knowledge how to be close to them without quills being shot in your direction.” ― Shannon L. Alder




The following is an article by a talented writer, David Cain, on his website Raptitude. Enjoy.

A recurring question I get from readers is, “How do you deal with negative people?” I’ve never directly written about it because I’m not always sure whether they’re asking how *I* deal with negative people, or how one ought to deal with negative people. I can only tell you how I do it. There are actually two ways I deal with negative people.

Method 1

When someone makes a needless negative comment, I feel a spike of contempt somewhere in my lungs, and my eyes probably narrow for a second. I give a terse answer, if one is required. My mind says to the person, “Why do you have to be such a dick about it?” but I don’t actually say that. Then once I’m out of their presence I tell stories in my head about how wrong they are, I play out imaginary confrontations, I might make a speech that nobody will hear. Or I think of what I should have said right then, George Costanza style. “Well the jerk store called, and…”
This kind of internal dialogue/monologue can go on until I’m interrupted by real life, but even then it sometimes resurfaces later. It sometimes makes the day a bad day.
With this method, the one thing I don’t do is do something. I do think a lot though. I think with great force and anger. I think up a storm, a real impressive one. I inventory my reasons for how right I am, several letters-to-the-editor’s worth. My body doesn’t do anything except maybe make involuntary faces. It’s possible my tongue moves, I don’t know. In other words, the first of the two methods I have for dealing with negative people is to become one.

Method 2

It starts out the same: person says something negative, and I feel that contempt feeling, but for whatever reason it triggers a different thought process. I do feel the impulse to go on an internal tirade, but I don’t. Instead I find myself recognizing that the offensive party is having a bad day or a bad moment that could just as easily be happening to me. Even if they’re having a bad life, that could just as easily be happening to me too.
It’s not quite forgiveness, it’s more like, “Ah I’ve been there. Frustrated and unreasonable. Directing it at people who don’t deserve it.”
Even though my knee-jerk response is to stare daggers, I’m reminded that people get negative when they’re unconscious, in pain or trying to protect themselves from pain. All human activity can be boiled down to a combination of seeking pleasure and avoiding suffering. Negativity tends to come from avoiding suffering, and if I’m being fair, it helps neither of us to blame them for it.
Pessimism shields people from despair because it keeps expectations low. Blame shields people from the threats of having to be responsible for a problem they don’t think should be happening. I have been caught up in both, at times today even.
When I use method two I end up feeling almost good towards the negative party. It’s a weird feeling if you’re not used to it. The pain of others suddenly becomes directly relevant to you, yet it remains theirs. 

Unseen Damage – Abuse leaves problems, don’t ignore them

 “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen someone actually change. I’m talking about a drastic, spin around, burnout, going in the other direction, change. Then I realized, the change needed to happen in me. It’s amazing how a simple change like an attitude adjustment, can affect how you see others. Now the change part, I had things I needed to change long before I realized that I needed to change them. It’s that way most of the time, in fact, if I see the need to change, I’ve already begun to live the miracle. I’ll explain in a practical example from my experience: If I’ve been the victim of a violent crime, especially a sexual crime, I HAVE something that NEEDS to be dealt with. I was affected, regardless of what I think, regardless of how I have “handled” it; it has affected me in ways I can’t even begin to imagine. I’m not saying I have “victim” mentality, only that I must realize that I’ll have damage that I’m not aware of. This damage can go unnoticed for years at times. I’ve seen numerous signs of this damage throughout my life: fear for no reason, addiction, depression, loneliness, despair, confusion, hyper vigilance, violent outbursts, and an evil foreboding whenever I’m happy. These are some of the effects and each of us may have more or less damage, but, damage none the less. To deal with this damage, talk about it with someone who has gone through it or has experience helping those who have gone through it. I’ve found spiritual pursuits to bring some relief, i.e. prayer, and church support groups. Writing and music helped me through the dark days. There are many ways to get through it, but, you must actively address the issues that have damaged you. May God give us direction in healing these wounds. Be strong my friend, we can be whole again.


Shhhhh…. – Words can maim for life

 “Because even the smallest of words can be the ones to hurt you, or save you.”
Natsuki Takaya

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The tongue can set a fire no man can extinguish. The venomous stings it inflicts can break apart even the best friendships. Life and death are in the power of the words we speak. We’d do well to remember that when we blithely spout off the latest rumors, the latest dirt, about the ones we love. Don’t repeat the gossip, don’t listen to the gossip. Shhhhh…..

Also published in Wingposse Magazine, December 2012

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Poisoned Love – A death sentence for love

“Love does not last forever, then?”
“He asked me the same thing this morning,” she said. “No, it does not – not love that has been betrayed. One realizes that one has loved a mirage, someone who never really existed. Not that love dies immediately or soon, even then. But it does die and cannot be revived.” 

Mary Balogh, Simply Perfect


knife-in-back

I’m surprised at myself. Being a spiritually enlightened man, well acquainted with my own faults and well exercised at forgiving a mountain of offenses against me, I’ve found myself at an insurmountable barrier, bitterness at a betrayal, no not just one, but many betrayals, of my lover against me. I mouth the words like I know I should, “I forgive you”, I pray the prayers, “Lord help her”, but yet, I find a seething bleeding wound festering beneath my loving mask. Why does this have a root in me? Worse, why can’t I, under any amount of coercion, cleanse myself of this horrid stew I’ve brewed? I haven’t yet tasted the foulness of it, but I can smell it, tainting the air of conversation and poisoning the purity of the love I felt. I’m sure it’ll kill all of my affection, but, I must make sure it doesn’t destroy my compassion for others, or let it morph into its evil sibling, revenge. God help me, I’m just like the one I despise! Now I’m left with this battle, and how to win it, I’ve no sure plan. I need an intervention of grace, power to do what I could never do.


Everyone suffers at least one bad betrayal in their lifetime. It’s what unites us. The trick is not to let it destroy your trust in others when that happens. Don’t let them take that from you.” Sherrilyn Kenyon, Invincible
Also published in: Lifeasahuman.com 
Also published in: Broowaha

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