The Addiction of Belonging – Approval is addictive drug

 “A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep.” – Vernon Howard

secretdiaryofacollege-girl

There are purveyors of affection and belonging that ply their wares on the corner of our mind and emotions. Like the dealers who sell illicit and addictive substances, they, with great subtlety, offer tidbits of friendship that draw the lonely, hurting, or naive soul into their game.  Society today generates many deformities of social maturity. Single parent families, domestic abuse, molestation, and apathetic parenting leave many souls thirsty for belonging, for approval, and for a sense of family. This “drug” of approval is not an illegal sort, it is nonetheless, just as deadly.


Once the hook is set through approval, and acceptance is feigned in the “family”(the group or persons the searching heart wished to belong to), pressure is exerted to perform the will of the those who possess the “fix” of affection. The “addict” is drawn further away from their own independence and individuality and is conformed to the will of the “dealer”. Eager for approval, the walls of inhibition are broken down and the victim finds their choices of right and wrong becoming choices of the lesser of two evils. Gangs operate this way, drawing in the young, unwary, and inexperienced souls, transforming them into soldiers ready to obey their command. In a sexual relationship the same effect is accomplished. The end result is the dissolution of individuality and the creation of an extremely unhealthy social interaction that ends in the destruction of the victim, either physically, through death, emotionally, through heartache, or through social isolation and imprisonment to a partners will.

To break free from this cycle and bondage, the victim, the “addict”, must exert his/her individuality at any cost. The victim must stand on their own beliefs and moral decisions. Depending on how deep their involvement may be, this could be a costly and life changing act. When the victim is in too deep, it may well cost them their life to escape the hold of that “family”. But, breaking that hold is a must, an imperative, for without that break, there exists only a life of imprisonment and eventual misery and regret as the suppliant gives away their life for the selfish goal of another. Be careful my friends that you don’t find yourself in this hidden addiction of belonging. Choose your friends wisely and be sure to stand on your own ground. 

Also published in Broowaha

06252012 

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The Uncool One – Struggling with an addict

You know me, I’m the “uncool” one, the “buzz kill” because I tell you to stop drinking and drugging. I tell you I can’t go out because I have to work the next day. I’m such a “drag” because I’m taking care of responsibilities and can’t follow you into the “party life”. Your so tired of me “putting on the brakes” in your life of craziness. But, who do you call on when the shit hits the fan? Who has to put up the bond for you when your in jail? Who do you cry to when you’ve been up for 3 days (or more), your head cant take it, and your coming apart at the seams. Who do you call when the police pull you over? Who do you call for commissary or for a visit when your lonely cause your down for a nickel and everyone else has forgotten about you? Who do you borrow money from to eat, or get gas, or buy tampons, or get cigarettes (the ones that burned my couch, my floor, my vanity, my bed, my car, my skin?)? I ask you to come to meetings with me (church, counseling, NA, AA, etc.), and you laugh, you don’t have time for that “boring shit”. I want to do something besides drink and get high and fight, but your “bored” and want to “have fun” before you die. It’s the “uncool” one in your life that you lean on when the police slap on the cuffs, so be nice to us….signed, the “uncool one”

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The Uncool One – Struggling with an addict

You know me, I’m the “uncool” one, the “buzz kill” because I tell you to stop drinking and drugging. I tell you I can’t go out because I have to work the next day. I’m such a “drag” because I’m taking care of responsibilities and can’t follow you into the “party life”. Your so tired of me “putting on the brakes” in your life of craziness. But, who do you call on when the shit hits the fan? Who has to put up the bond for you when your in jail? Who do you cry to when you’ve been up for 3 days (or more), your head cant take it, and your coming apart at the seams. Who do you call when the police pull you over? Who do you call for commissary or for a visit when your lonely cause your down for a nickel and everyone else has forgotten about you? Who do you borrow money from to eat, or get gas, or buy tampons, or get cigarettes (the ones that burned my couch, my floor, my vanity, my bed, my car, my skin?)? I ask you to come to meetings with me (church, counseling, NA, AA, etc.), and you laugh, you don’t have time for that “boring shit”. I want to do something besides drink and get high and fight, but your “bored” and want to “have fun” before you die. It’s the “uncool” one in your life that you lean on when the police slap on the cuffs, so be nice to us….signed, the “uncool one”

120810