“He asked me the same thing this morning,” she said. “No, it does not – not love that has been betrayed. One realizes that one has loved a mirage, someone who never really existed. Not that love dies immediately or soon, even then. But it does die and cannot be revived.”
– Mary Balogh, Simply Perfect
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| knife-in-back |
I’m surprised at myself. Being a spiritually enlightened man, well acquainted with my own faults and well exercised at forgiving a mountain of offenses against me, I’ve found myself at an insurmountable barrier, bitterness at a betrayal, no not just one, but many betrayals, of my lover against me. I mouth the words like I know I should, “I forgive you”, I pray the prayers, “Lord help her”, but yet, I find a seething bleeding wound festering beneath my loving mask. Why does this have a root in me? Worse, why can’t I, under any amount of coercion, cleanse myself of this horrid stew I’ve brewed? I haven’t yet tasted the foulness of it, but I can smell it, tainting the air of conversation and poisoning the purity of the love I felt. I’m sure it’ll kill all of my affection, but, I must make sure it doesn’t destroy my compassion for others, or let it morph into its evil sibling, revenge. God help me, I’m just like the one I despise! Now I’m left with this battle, and how to win it, I’ve no sure plan. I need an intervention of grace, power to do what I could never do.
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Opinions Of Eye 
WOW! Yes I do understand the Poisoned Love. As you said most of us have been there and like you I have had to struggle with not letting the bitterness fester into something more.
Continue praying and when the negative thoughts come in immediately try to replace them with positive thoughts. The two cannot live together, one will override the other.
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