Angry tears dried quickly on the long ride to the county jail. My wrists swelled as I squirmed in pain on the hard plastic seat of the sheriff’s car. Begging for him to loosen the cuffs, it was a cry that went unheeded, there was no way he was giving me slack. Laying on cold cement floors of the jail added now to my list of exciting experiences while with my angel; the excitement part of the lure for this lonely old man to pursue this young angel. They released me on my O.R., a term I had previously no knowledge of…my “own recognizance”. What was happening to me? I never acted like this. The rack and chains of jealousy are powerful catalysts to change a humble man into a creature of demonic rage. How close are love and hate? I fondled that razor edge, looking over into that dark chasm shadowed with the darkness of rage.
I managed to get back home, cold, miserable and confused. She was there, sleeping. A bottle of tequila lay empty on the floor, some pills scattered on the table. I woke her with a kiss. Evidently the owner’s decided against playing in this particular fire. Gently I pulled her blond hair to the side. Sleeping like this, I could still see some lingering touches of innocence. Her face, so gentle and pure again, like the angel I first met. She stirred, and seeing me, a reassuring smile spread from her face over her body, responding to me, reaching out and pulling me into bed. She felt so good, her body relaxed from the alcohol and pills, she pulled at my belt clumsily, I in a heated rush ripped the tired jeans from my body.
We rolled around for hours in ecstasy. I fell asleep exhausted from the release of emotion and sex. She fell asleep, content that she still had the reigns, the prey had not left, he was just a little exhausted. The predators will chase and wait till you have lost your will before they pounce. She knew all she had to do was let me fight myself, she would clean up the mess after that. Fighting myself. Little did I know or understand that this whole game was of my making. I could have ended it at any time. Onward I went, my character eroding, my ambitions evaporating, and my soul, slowly withering under my assault.